


With These Hands

by Partridge_Scolops



Series: First Time for Everything [1]
Category: Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Loss of Virginity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-04-30 09:29:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14493978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Partridge_Scolops/pseuds/Partridge_Scolops
Summary: Kaladin is a twenty-one-year-old virgin. He’s never been to third base (if he must use sports terms to describe his sexual non-encounters). Actually, he’s never been to second base either. In fact, he’s never dated anyone, okay?It’s not because he’s emotionally withdrawn (well, he is, but that’s not why) and it’s not because he doesn’t like being touched (but seriously, don’t touch him). He just doesn’t see what all the fuss is about.But maybe...maybe he’s feeling curious.





	1. The Cherry Poppers

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, there! This is the first thing I've written in a very long time, and the first thing I've ever posted to AO3. 
> 
> This first part is mostly explanation. I wanted readers to understand that the situation was safe and 100% consensual, and I might have gotten a bit carried away. I apologize for my enthusiasm.

## First Time for Everything

From Fakepedia, the fake encyclopedia

  (Redirected from  **Cherry Poppers** )

 _For the alcoholic beverage, see_ **_Cherry Poppers (beverage_ _)_** _. For other uses, see_ **_Cherry Poppers_ _(disambiguation)_** _._

First Time for Everything, Inc. (FTFE), colloquially known as “the cherry poppers”, is a large, highly successful business chain which provides services specifically for virgins who are of or over the Alethkar **age of consent** who wish to lose their virginity. [1] It must be noted that FTFE is not related to prostitution or brothels in any sense.[2] It is an upscale establishment with an excellent reputation and a business model centered entirely around the ensuring the customer’s experience is perfect and unforgettable.[1] The customer being the virgin.

A man or woman with at least some sexual experience can apply for the chance to introduce a virgin to the world of sex. Essentially, these applicants request to be a virgin’s “first time”. A virgin (which will furthermore be referred to as the customer) will look through the available FTFE approved applicants to determine if any are suitable for their first time. If so, the customer will inform FTFE of their choice and FTFE will provide the applicant with the customer’s details to determine if the two are a match. If it is determined that they are a match, the participants will schedule through FTFE the desired date of the event to take place at a neutrally located FTFE (which has over 20,000 locations throughout Alethkar).[3]

After the event, customers are encouraged to provide an anonymous review of FTFE and a survey regarding their sexual experience. This review will remain private unless authorized by the customer to be released on the FTFE website.[1][4]

#### Application Process 

In order to become a customer’s “first time partner”, the prospective partner must submit an application, be approved by FTFE, and be selected by a customer. Each time an applicant is selected by a customer and the event takes place, their name is removed from the list of available applicants.[5] To re-enter, they must complete the application process again in full, including fees.

**Application and Documentation**

The application contains verifiable information, such as full name, social security number, date of birth, residential address, and a valid credit card. In addition, the applicant must state details of all their sexual preferences as well as any specific requests for the evening (handcuffs or any other binding of limbs is prohibited, as are several other kinks).[4][6] The applicant is required to provide a medical statement no older than one week prior with proof that the applicant is negative for all possible STDs. A psychological evaluation from an outside facility is required and the applicant must agree to an additional psychological assessment completed by an FTFE psychologist (who will of course be looking for specific tendencies and behaviors that could mean a risk to the customer).[1] If either evaluation is failed, the application will be denied and the applicant will be barred from reapplication to FTFE.[7] The applicant must sign a statement agreeing to a full background check.

**Fees**

A non-refundable $500 application fee is required.[8] Should a customer select the applicant for their first time, another fee of $4,500 is due in full on the day of the event, prior to intercourse. This fee is refundable only on the occasion that the customer, for whatever reason, changes his or her mind and chooses to cancel the event.[8] Note that these payments are made directly to FTFE and do not at any point transfer to the customer; that is, virgins are not being paid to give up their virginity.[4] The idea is such that if a virgin (or the virgin’s family) could receive a large sum of money for loss of virginity, said virgins could be forced, coerced, or otherwise made to believe that it is in their best interest to offer something they are not truly ready or willing to give. This is the opposite of what FTFE was created to accomplish. Their goal is to provide a safe, free, and convenient way for virgins to experience sex for the first time and of their own volition.[1]

Due to these fees, most applicants tend to be members of the upper class and upper middle class.[3]

Customers do not have to pay a fee to give away their virginity. The experience is free of charge.

#### Safety and Security 

**Privacy**

As stated, safety and satisfaction for the customer is incredibly important to FTFE. The applicants who are initially selected by a customer will never be provided with any personal details of the customer other than height, weight, age, and their current physical sex.[4][9] If they so choose, the customer may provide their first name when meeting their first time partner on the scheduled evening, but they are discouraged from giving their last name or any other personal details. It is suggested that the customer provide a false name. 

**Awareness**

The customer is required, for their safety and edification, to attend and pass a three hour FTFE sex education course, which includes explanations of male and female anatomy and the various ways intercourse may be conducted, the risk of STDs, birth control options, instructions on safe sex, and a segment on being respectful when it comes not only to expressing one’s own sexual desires to one’s sexual partner but also being assertive and communicative when one’s partner suggests or carries out a desire that one is not comfortable with.[10]

**Security**

Metal detectors frame the entrance to each FTFE location and upon entrance participants’ personal items are fed into an x-ray machine. Personal items are also physically examined and each participant will be subject to a pat-down search. Once in the room designated for the event, it should be noted that the door is not locked and, in fact, cannot be locked.[9] This ensures participants are able to leave the room at any time. In the event that a participant is unable to leave the room due to force or coercion, there are multiple clearly indicated and easily accessible alarms that can be triggered with the press of a button. These alarms notify specially trained FTFE security.[9] In addition to these, there is an electronic device programmed to react in the same fashion upon hearing a particular word. This device is tested before and after each scheduled event to ensure functionality and that no tampering has occurred. If the alarms are ever triggered, FTFE will intervene and if necessary call the authorities.[4][9] Should the police arrive on location, they will determine if charges are being pressed and if so, they will take a statement, arrest the offending participant, and book charges. Said offender (weather the customer or the first time partner) will be banned from reapplication to FTFE.[7]

....

 

Kaladin sighed and snapped his laptop shut. His friend Lopen had suggested First Time for Everything and had said many of his cousins had lost their virginity there and had great things to say about it. But Kaladin wasn’t so sure he could go through with it.

On one hand, it would be a controlled environment. Kaladin would feel safer there than he would going home with a stranger in a poorly lit club. At First Time for Everything, he would be able to say ahead of time what he was okay with and what he wasn’t, and he would know for a fact that the business would ensure his wishes were respected; whereas, picking up someone, either in a club or through a dating app (this is assuming he even _could_ pick someone up at all) was riskier. He couldn’t guarantee the person he’d be with was trustworthy and he wouldn’t have anyone to back him up if something went wrong.

On the other hand, sex was such an intimate...situation. It was hard enough for him to trust one person and open up to them; how was he supposed to share his sexual desires with an entire company?

Not that Kaladin really had any specific desires to speak of. He knew the general idea—he’d studied enough medical books to know how it worked—but he didn’t know his own body well enough to pinpoint what he would enjoy. Honestly, he spent most of his time avoiding thoughts of sex when he could help it.  Sure, it all sounded nice enough, the way everyone talked about it—the feeling of closeness, experiencing another person’s pleasure, giving pleasure, taking pleasure (there was a lot of talk of pleasure)—but then Kaladin would think about what it would be like to actually do it—being naked in front of another person, letting someone touch him, skin on skin, the eye contact, the odd noises people would make, their breath and his breath, the...bodily fluids—and it just didn’t sound that appealing.

Maybe he should just give up the whole idea. He’d gone his entire twenty-one years of life without sex and was doing just fine; did he even need to bother? Besides, right now, he was focused on finishing his medical degree; he didn’t really have time for that sort of thing.

Speaking of no time...he glanced at his phone. Yep, he needed to head to work for another ten-hour shift at The Bridge.

Abandoning his laptop and all the troubling thoughts of sexual encounters, he changed into his uniform—a drab, frumpy brown shirt, matching pants, and an equally boring brown ballcap— then grabbed his keys and headed out.

As he opened the door he heard a chirp and felt the almost imperceptible weight of Syl, his [mountain bluebird](https://s3.amazonaws.com/com-aab-media/photo/67471191-720px.jpg), on his shoulder.

Syl wasn’t allowed to accompany him at work, of course, but she seemed to enjoy poking around outside while she waited on him. His friends thought he was a little odd for keeping a bird without a cage, but he couldn’t imagine living in a cage himself; he could never do that to an animal, especially one that was born for the sky and the wind. Besides, Syl always came back to him anyway, and she kept herself out of trouble. She didn’t seem to need him at all, actually. Just liked the company, he figured.

“Ready for another long day?” he asked her as he walked to the bus stop.

She chirped softly, fluttering her wings in what he decided was excitement. She was the positive one in their relationship.

As he walked, Kaladin began reciting the muscular system in his head, then moved on to the skeletal system, limbic system, etc. He did this several times a day, with the intention of memorizing the body systems so well that he knew them by heart; although, he nearly did already, just from his upbringing. His father, Lirin, was a hard man to impress but an easy one to disappoint. Straight "A"s were expected. Other careers were not an option. Kaladin would be nothing short of the best surgeon Alethkar had ever seen, if it was up to his father.

When Kaladin reached the bus stop, Syl chirped and flew from his shoulder to perch on the sign that indicated the bus stop. It was where she sat to see him off to work, like a fretting mother. It reminded Kaladin of his actual mother—the way Hessina would wait with him for the school bus when he was a little boy, tidy up his hair, and tell him to have fun. He used to watch out the window as long as he could. She would always wave until the bus was completely out of sight.

The sound of screeching brakes broke Kaladin from his thoughts as the bus arrived. He climbed aboard and took a seat at the front by the window, watching as Syl spread her bright wings and flitted away.

Kaladin wasn’t sure why he was thinking about his parents today. Maybe he was feeling homesick. He’d graduated high school at barely sixteen and had gone off to college before he’d turned seventeen. It had been five years (almost to the day) since he’d seen his parents, since he’d even spoken to them. He wondered how they were doing or if they ever thought about him. Absently, he pulled up his contacts list in his cellphone, scrolling until he found the number for the landline of the house he grew up in.

He stared at that number for a long moment, considering, finger hovering over the call button.

In the end, he closed his contacts and locked his phone. Maybe when he finished his degree he'd feel like he could call or visit his parents.  But not before then.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thirty minutes later, the bus pulled up at his stop and he trudged off, not really looking forward to his long shift. Being a fry cook at a restaurant/bar wasn’t exactly his first choice of jobs, and Gaz was a terrible manager (and an even worse person), but college cost money he didn’t have and he was aiming to finish medical school without enormous debt. (Kaladin stalwartly ignored the fact that this job paid next to nothing. He’d figure something out; he always did.) At least there was a good crew on shift tonight. If he remembered correctly, it would be Lopen, Rock, and Teft. 

Sure enough, Lopen greeted Kaladin from the dish pit as soon as he entered the kitchen, waving his only arm enthusiastically. “Hey, gancho! Good to see your grouchy face.”

“Hey, Lopen,” Kaladin greeted, ruining the joke by cracking a small grin.

“You look into the place I told you about?” Lopen asked.

“What thing is this?” Rock called from his place at the grill, his face so red from the heat that it almost matched his hair. “You should not take advice from Lopen. He is being wrong always.”

Kaladin moved closer to Lopen, lowering his voice to maintain privacy. “Yeah, I looked into it. I’m...thinking about it.”

“What is there to think about, gon?" Lopen responded at regular volume (he never could be subtle). "You have sex and it’s fun, sure. End of story.”

“Who’s having sex?” Teft grunted, throwing orders on plates and setting them in the window for the servers. “Sure isn’t me.”

“Kaladin is!”

“Lopen—”

“Kaladin is _not_ having of sex,” Rock laughed deeply. “He is always telling me he is too busy for this. And look at his face. Who would be having sex with him?”

“Gee, thanks, guys,” Kaladin muttered, ears burning.

He was glad Rock and Teft hadn’t pried further, but his friends' attitudes were one reason Kaladin was actually considering going through with this. They were just giving him a hard time, and they meant well, but he was tired of them making fun of the fact that he was a virgin. If he just got it over with they wouldn’t have any ammunition and maybe he would get some peace for a while.

Of course, it wasn’t just his friends' opinions that had made him consider taking this "leap out of virginity and into manhood" (to quote Rock). He’d never actually been intimate with anyone, in any sense. The closest he’d come was a quick, chaste kiss by a crush in high school, which hadn’t led anywhere. (In fact, they hadn’t spoken to each other since the kiss and Kaladin felt more self-conscious about _that_ non-relationship than anything else in his life.) He knew he didn’t really get along with other people; he was abrasive at worst and impersonal at best. The Bridge men were closer to brothers than friends, and even so, he didn’t tell them anything about his life or the things that bothered him. He’d been thinking a lot lately, and...he wanted that in his life—someone to really talk to, to be himself with.

Obviously, he didn't need to go straight to sex for that kind of relationship (in fact, it was probably counterintuitive), but Kaladin was certain if he didn't do something drastic like this, he would never move out of his comfort zone and talk to anyone. This place Lopen told him about was really just a jumping off point, a way to force himself to let someone in.

 _If_ he decided to go.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The shift passed uneventfully, for which Kaladin was grateful. The others always joked around while they worked, but Kaladin mostly just listened, letting their laughter wash over him.

He and the others had worked together so long—Rock and Teft and been working with Kaladin at The Bridge since he’d moved to Kholinar, and Lopen had been hired about a year later—that they had a rhythm and moved practically in sync. One-armed Lopen always worked the dish pit (not that he couldn’t cook, Kaladin had seen it, he just tended to take his time on everything and that didn’t work on the line when a group of 25 people had just been seated). Kaladin, Rock, and Teft would split up the rest of the work between them, but Kaladin was fastest at prep, Teft was best at keeping track of orders and timing, and Rock was basically a master chef who was wasted on The Bridge.

At midnight, they finally closed the kitchen for the night and cleaned everything up, clocking out around one o'clock in the morning. As the "lead", Kaladin always double checked everything before leaving, which meant he was always the last one out. Tonight, like most other nights, everyone stood outside waiting for him (even though they really had no reason to do so). He joined them and they all fell in step as they walked through the parking lot.

Lopen causally clapped him on the back and, as always when someone touched him, Kaladin tensed up, shoulders rising towards his ears. He forced himself to relax and hoped Lopen didn't notice.

“We’re gonna get a drink at The Barracks. You in?”

Kaladin bit the inside of his cheek, considering. “Nah. I’ve got a test to study for. Sorry, guys.”

Lopen shrugged. “’S alright, gancho. We’ll catch you later.”

“Make us proud, Dr. Kaladin!” Rock added.

Kaladin snorted. “I’m not there yet, Rock, but thanks for the vote of confidence.”

He parted ways with the others at their cars, waving farewell before continuing on his way to the bus stop. Maybe he shouldn’t have lied (he really was going to go home and study, but that wasn’t the reason he turned them down). He just needed a break from being around people after such a long shift, and he knew that when the others started drinking they wanted him to fully join in the fun. He rarely ever went out with them, but they always asked. He wondered how long they would bother before they gave up on him.

Why did he have such a hard time relaxing and having fun? Shouldn’t a night with friends and a drink sound better than a night alone with a textbook? Instead, the idea of drinking with them, putting up with peer pressure and silly jokes about his sex life, was far more stressful than the test he was studying for.

The entire bus ride home, he thought again about First Time for Everything. He wanted to know what it would be like to not be uncomfortable when someone touched him—in any way: casual touches, like a friend slapping his back; a hug from an acquaintance; or something more intimate. He felt like a freak for being incapable of sustaining physical interaction with other people. He didn’t _want_ to be closed off, he just _was_. But was he so hopeless that he couldn’t even bring himself to try? Maybe First Time for Everything was his best shot.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

Kaladin sat on his couch a few days later, sipping his overly strong morning coffee.

It was done—he’d passed the three-hour sex ed course, he’d gotten his medical examination yesterday, and he’d officially submitted his request for a “first time” about an hour ago. Now all he had to do was wait for—

Kaladin’s laptop pinged with a new email and he whipped his head around to stare at it. Well, that was fast.

Syl fluttered over to sit on the small perch on his desk (one of several Kaladin had bought and dispersed all over the apartment for her). She cocked her head, watching him curiously as he crossed the room to take a seat.

Kaladin pulled up the new email and scanned through a rather peppy welcome message.

 

_Good morning, Kaladin!_

_Congratulations on taking your first step towards sexual discovery! We’re so happy that you’ve chosen First Time for Everything to facilitate your first time!_

_Based on the preferences you gave us, we have several applicants for you to choose from. Please take a look at the list (attached) and let us know if you like anyone you see. If you do, just respond to this email with the applicant’s ID._

_If don’t have an interest in any of the applicants, that’s okay, too! Just let us know if you’d like to take a look at some applicants in a wider radius, or maybe you’d like to change your preferences and see who else we can find for you. We want this to be a great experience for you, so don’t feel like you have to settle on anyone. Being picky is your right!_

_Let me know if you have any questions!_

**_Lyn_ **

_Matching Coordinator_

_First Time for Everything_

 

After a moment’s hesitation, Kaladin opened the attachment.

Apparently, there were quite a few candidates who lived within the radius and who matched his (very short) list of interests. Kaladin had known he was gay since he was ten, so...criteria number one filled. These were all men, aged fifty or under (looking at them now, he realized he should have gone with a max age of thirty), who were interested in other men (or maybe women too, but that was fine).

Kaladin rubbed his hand over his face. This was so weird. He couldn’t believe he was doing this.

 

**Torol S. (#174-73-972-3)**

  * Age: 50
  * Relationship status: Married (but we’re swingers)
  * Preferences/Kinks: Feet
  * Things that are okay: Scratching
  * Things that are not okay: Kissing (no I didn’t get these backwards, thanks)
  * Special Requests: I want to try that position where one person is doing a backbend.



“Why does his face look like an angry tomato?” Kaladin blurted, and immediately felt bad. There were plenty of other reasons not to pick this man, no reason to be shallow. Next.

 

**Turi (#023-87-341-7)**

  * Age: 44
  * Relationship status: Dating (but I’ve proposed multiple times)
  * Preferences/Kinks: Food/Eating off of you
  * Things that are okay: Dirty talk
  * Things that are not okay: Don’t ask me for business advice (unless you’re going to pay me)
  * Special Requests: If you wanted to bring something homemade, that would be nice



“...Okay...”

 

**Meridas Amaram (#305-02-349-3)**

  * Age: 35
  * Relationship status: Single
  * Preferences/Kinks: N/A
  * Things that are okay: Whatever you want is fine
  * Things that are not okay: Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable
  * Special Requests: N/A



“Hmm.”

Amaram was attractive, and he didn’t have any weird preferences. Actually, he didn’t seem to have any preferences at all. Was that normal?

“What do you think, Syl?”

The little bluebird puffed up her feathers and shook her head rapidly. Kaladin smoothed her feathers back down, smiling as she lightly nipped at his finger and chirped.

“Yeah. Seems like he’s trying too hard to look like a nice guy.”

Kaladin took a big breath and continued reading through the applicants, wondering if he should get more coffee; this was a long list.

He ended up eliminating each applicant for one reason or another. Syl got bored at one point and flew around the room (literally in a circle, around and around, just to annoy him), a blue-white blur in the corners of his vision. Kaladin began to wonder if he should have been more specific about his interests when he’d filled out his request, just to narrow the list down, but then he remembered he really didn’t know what he would and wouldn’t like. That was kind of the point of this whole thing.

About three-quarters of the way in, he came upon a profile that didn’t have a full picture. The man’s eyes had been covered with a black rectangle, like they used for censorship. Even with that, though, Kaladin could tell he was attractive: tan Alethi skin (perhaps a half-shade lighter than Kaladin’s); blond hair with speckles of black (which was uncommon in Kholinar) that was so perfectly messy that it was definitely styled; a strong jaw (but not too strong); straight nose (not too big); and his smile was dashing (if a little goofy) with nice teeth.

 

**Name Redacted (#993-84-286-9)**

“Um. What?”

Perhaps this was some kind of a celebrity or something, and he didn’t want anyone to know he used FTFE (could have just used a fake name, though, weirdo). Either way, Kaladin would know who he was after they...well _if_ they...(Kaladin swallowed)...had sex.

He frowned to himself. This was why his idiot friends made fun of him. Being a virgin wasn’t a big deal, but _acting_ like one was a problem. If he couldn't even  _think_ of having sex with someone without breaking into a nervous sweat, how did he expect to actually go through with it?

  * Age: 24



That was way closer to his age than 95% of the other applicants he’d looked through (seriously, he should have chosen a different age range). So far, so good. He felt a little better about this guy already.

  * Relationship status: Single
  * Preferences/Kinks: I really like foreplay, tbh. And just touching in general. So, idk, tickling? If you like that kind of thing. Sex should be fun, so, yeah.



 Kaladin blinked. This guy wrote like he was just texting an acquaintance about a hook up. It was familiar and friendly and felt really genuine. It was different—good different, Kaladin decided.

  * Things that are okay: Kissing is good - and I’m good at it ;)
  * Things that are not okay: I don’t really like, you know, being too rough. A little bit of biting or hair pulling is okay if it’s not too hard, but I’m not a masochist (or a sadist so don’t expect that). Um, definitely don’t like choking, or watersports, or –



 Kaladin coughed and skipped to the last section.

  * Special Requests: I’m sorry, but you’ll have to wear a blindfold



Ah, there it was. _There_ was the reason not to pick this guy. Who wants to be blindfolded for their first time—and with a stranger?

Kaladin moved on and spent the next ten minutes going through the remainder of the document. There were a couple other applicants that could have been okay—some single guy named Drehy seemed alright—but no one really stood out.

Kaladin shook his head, which Syl promptly landed on with a quiet chirp. This was hopeless. Really, what was he thinking? He didn’t need sex. Rock’s claim that a lack of intercourse was the reason Kaladin was tense and scowled all the time was complete bullshit and everyone knew it. Besides, even if he _did_  want to connect with another human being on a deeper level, reading the profiles of these applicants was kind of putting him off the whole idea. Some of these people were freaks.

Or just ridiculous. _Tickling_? Because “sex should be fun”? And saying you’re good at kissing with a winky face? No one was going to take that guy seriously.

“Ugh, this is so stupid!” Kaladin threw his head back, disturbing Syl, who didn’t squawk, but chirped in a dignified yet angry manner, and flew to one of her perches far away from him.

Why couldn’t he just get a date like a normal person? Oh yeah, because he worked full time and went to school full time and slept approximately never. When was he going to fit in a boyfriend? Plus, his permanent scowl would probably scare off any potential suitors.

Kaladin crossed him arms and chewed on the inside of his cheek, leg bouncing up and down on the ball of his foot. He glared at his computer screen, unblinking, until it eventually went to the screensaver. Then he snatched the mouse and opened up the document again, scrolling up to the only person who had caught his interest (in a positive way, that was).

**Name Redacted (#993-84-286-9)**

Could he wear a blindfold? Could he put that much trust in a total stranger? What if the guy— 

Actually, what would he do to Kaladin that he couldn’t already do without a blindfold—besides make a silly face that Kaladin couldn’t see? He couldn’t rob Kaladin because all of his stuff would be locked away. And taking advantage of him was kind of already on the agenda, so that wasn’t a concern.

Darn. Kaladin couldn’t think of anything.

It was just a blindfold; it’s not like he would be tied up and not have control. If for some reason he really felt like he needed to see, he could just take the blindfold off.

Yeah. No big deal....

“Okay.”

Before he could change his mind, Kaladin drafted a response to the email from FTFE with the chosen applicant’s ID, as instructed.

Then he took a breath and hit "send".

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

Kaladin waited. 

Then he waited some more.

In fact, Kaladin had endured an entire _two_ additional _weeks_ of Rock’s teasing and Lopen’s jokes before he finally heard back from FTFE. He’d noticed the email earlier in the day, but he really needed to study for his final exams next week. Being a disciplined student and guy-who-had-no-idea-what-fun-was, he ignored the email and buckled down for a good six hours of studying.

At around 2 AM, when he started to fall asleep on his notes, Kaladin decided to call it a night. He wiped the drool off his face and got in a good stretch before shuffling off to the bathroom to complete his nightly routine. 

Once that was done, he crawled into bed and pulled up the email on his phone.

 

_Good morning, Kaladin!_

_I’m happy to tell you that the applicant you selected has agreed that you two are a match! He also said to let you know he’s sorry for the delay and it wasn’t you, he’s just a really busy guy._

 

Kaladin rolled his eyes. He was busy too, and _he_ managed to check his email every day. Whatever.

 

 _He said he’s available on Saturday, and as far as the time limit goes, he’s flexible, so it’s up to you. I would recommend booking the full 24 hours. If you leave earlier than that, it’s not a problem, but if you booked less and ended up wanting to go longer you could throw off the schedule for other customers._

_So, let me know if that day works for you, and I’ll go ahead and book it and send you both the location._

_Talk to you soon!_

**_Lyn_**

_Matching Coordinator_

_First Time for Everything_

 

Saturday? That was in two days. Kaladin had a shift at The Bridge on Saturday (it was inevitable). He’d have to see if anyone would pick it up, or maybe switch shifts. Skar was usually happy to take an extra shift. Hopefully it would be okay that it was so last minute.

Kaladin decided not to respond to the email until he could be sure his shift was covered.

Yawning, he put his phone down and turned off the light.

In two days, he was going to have sex for the first time. He couldn’t undo it once it was done. He really hoped he was making the right decision. What if the sex was bad? What if _he_ was bad? Would his partner get upset? What if he couldn’t get an erection?

Kaladin shook his head. He was overthinking this. It would be fine.

Hopefully, it would even be _good_.


	2. Adam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin gets his cherry popped. :O

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so longggg. I'm sorry! But there's lots of smex, if that helps?
> 
> Warning: This chapter contains naughty language, and maybe a penis or two.

* * *

_With these hands, I will cling to you._  
_I'm yours for ever and a day._  
_With these hands, I will bring to you_  
_A tender love as warm as May._  
_With this heart I will sing to you_  
_Long after stars have lost their glow._

 _And with these hands, I'll provide for you._  
_Should there be a stormy sea,_  
_I'll turn the tide for you._  
_And I'll never,_  
_No, I'll never let you go._

* * *

 

Two days later, Kaladin found himself packing a change of clothes and some personal hygiene items into a duffel bag. He had successfully given away his shift to Skar, and he’d managed to get Sigzil to trade one of his weekday shifts for Kaladin’s Sunday shift, just in case.

The duffel bag was just in case, too. He highly doubted he and this mysterious weirdo were going to bone for 24 hours straight; that sounded impossible and not just slightly preposterous. Still, being prepared was better than waking up next to the guy without having brushed his teeth since this morning.

Speaking of, maybe he should just brush his teeth again, and floss and use mouthwash. Kaladin hadn’t exactly kissed anyone since he was sixteen (which had been his first and only kiss actually, but no one had asked and Kaladin wasn’t telling) and if he had bad breath tonight he’d have to keep looking back on that kiss as a reference point, which was a little pathetic. He’d actually just finished taking a very thorough shower as well. Hygiene was important, and tonight he wasn’t just making a first impression, he was making an _only_ impression. It was stupid, but he wanted it to be a good one.

Once he finished quadruple-checking his duffel bag (he’d decided to take the mouthwash with him too), made sure Syl had plenty of food and water, and looked at himself in the mirror (and then rolled eyes at himself for his sudden vanity/self-consciousness) for the hundredth time, he decided it was time to go. He bid goodbye to Syl, who chirped at him encouragingly, and headed to the bus stop. The FTFE location they’d been given was about twenty minutes away from his house by car, which meant more like forty-five minutes using public transportation. Kaladin plugged in some earbuds and turned on his music, hoping to keep his nerves down.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An hour later, Kaladin walked into the FTFE building, looking around much like a child might the first time they stepped into a huge department store. The place was well lit, clean, and had a professional atmosphere. It felt more like a high-end hotel than anything else, and some of Kaladin’s nervousness dissipated.

“Welcome to First Time for Everything!” a woman greeted him. She was pretty and well dressed, flashing a nice smile.

“Uh, hi,” Kaladin responded. Real smooth.

She seemed to stifle a laugh, eyes crinkling and dimples appearing in the corners of her mouth. “If you could just place your bag on the conveyor belt for me, so we can scan it. Anything in your pockets can go in this.” She held out a plastic dog bowl for him.

Kaladin did as she asked, dropping his duffel onto the conveyor belt and placing his keys, wallet, and phone in the bowl. Everything was fed through an X-Ray machine as the woman ushered him through a standing metal detector.

On the other side, an equally pleasant and attractive man directed Kaladin to stand with his arms up and out to his sides like a “T” with his legs spread about shoulder width. The pat down he gave Kaladin was brief and not too invasive. All in all, it was better than going through airport security at Kholinar City International Oathgate.

After that, Kaladin was free to grab his things and properly step into the lobby. A large chandelier hung from the arched ceiling, casting warm light over the open room. The only furniture was a few armchairs off to the side and a coffee table with some magazines. The main focus of the room was a long marble desk, decorated with potted orchids, behind which a woman sat, tapping away on a keyboard. A sign hung above the desk reading, _**Check in Here**_.

Seeing as there was nowhere else to go, Kaladin walked up to the desk. He noted a plaque stating the woman’s name was Lyn, and he figured she must be the person he’d been emailing. She actually looked mostly like he’d pictured her; fairly short, perhaps only a little more than five feet tall, with her black hair pulled back in a ponytail. She had a young, earnest face and, though Kaladin didn’t agree with her peppy emails, he decided he liked her.

“Hi,” he greeted. “I’d like to check in.”

“Sure thing! Do you have an appointment?”

“Yeah, um, Kaladin Lirinson, for three o’clock?”

“Hi, Kaladin!” Lyn greeted, happier than any of Kaladin’s friends had ever been to see him. She was enthusiastic, that was for sure. She shook his hand with a surprisingly firm grip. “It’s so nice to meet you face to face. Are you excited?”

Kaladin shifted from one foot to the other. “I guess so.”

Lyn smiled warmly. “Nervous?”

He gave her a weak smile in return. “Yeah.”

“That’s completely normal and understandable,” she reassured him. “But I promise it’ll wear off soon and you’ll just be having fun.”

Kaladin supposed he would just have to take her word for it.

She tapped on her keyboard for a moment, then after a brief pause said, “You’re right on time.” She leaned in and added in a conspiratorial whisper, “Thank you.” Then she clicked on a few things, tapped some more, and smiled up at him. “Alrighty, you’re all set!” She indicated a closed door to his right. “If you step through that door, Dru will take you to your room. If you have any questions at all, feel free to ask him.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“Oh, you’re welcome! Enjoy your stay!”

Kaladin pushed open the frosted glass door Lyn had indicated, expecting a waiting room, but found instead a wide hallway lined with arched doorways and capped by a tall ceiling. The color scheme was a warm gold, with accents of deep red and velvet black. Yeah, if this was a real hotel, he’d have no chance of ever setting foot in this place.

The door had only just swung shut behind him soundlessly when another opened to his left. A man stepped out, looking down at a tablet in his hands. “Kaladin?” he asked.

Kaladin nodded.

The man smiled, holding out his hand to shake. “Hi, I’m Dru. Follow me.” He gestured with a wave of his hand and began walking down the hallway with a brisk, business-like gait. “Thanks for being punctual,” he added, affecting a sort of sideways walk so he could talk to Kaladin while keeping up his pace. “It usually wouldn’t matter much, but your first time partner asked to remain anonymous—which isn’t unheard of, trust me—so you need to be in the room before he gets here.”

Kaladin grunted in response. Dru talked as fast as he walked. Kaladin wondered how everyone here had so much energy.

“Do you have any questions for me?”

Sure, Kaladin had plenty of questions. Why was he doing this? Did his breath smell okay? Any tips on how to not look like a complete idiot tonight? In the end, he went with, “Where’s the restroom?”

“Every suite has its own bathroom with a large stand-alone shower and a luxury bathtub. A toilet too, of course.”

“Right.”

Duh, Kaladin. You’re not going to be wandering the halls every time you have to pee. Where do you think you are?

“If we’re in there for a while, what do we do when we get hungry?”

Dru turned right at a branch in the hall and continued down another corridor that looked identical to the first. “All you have to do is pick up the phone—I’ll show you where that is when we get to your suite—and dial for room service. We don’t have an extensive menu but it is good quality food. Think bistro—soups, salads, sandwiches. We also have a few snacks (like fresh fruit and vegetables, cheese and crackers, that sort of thing) and some desserts. People who put in special requests ahead of time can order more complex meals from our master chef, but of course there’s an upcharge for that. The bistro, though, that’s included as part of your stay, so don’t hesitate to take advantage of it.”

“How close is each suite? Like, am I going to hear other people banging each other?”

“You get straight to the point, don’t you?”

Kaladin shrugged one shoulder.

“The walls and doors are sound proofed; so no, don’t worry about competing with the other guests for who can scream the loudest.”

Kaladin felt himself blush at that and ignored the triumphant smirk pulling up the corner of Dru’s mouth, his eyes twinkling. Maybe he should stop asking questions now.

A moment later, they stopped before a door, about halfway down the second hallway. “This is you! Shall we?” Dru opened the door—Kaladin noted he didn’t need a keycard or key and that, in fact, there was no card swipe mechanism or keyhole—and they stepped inside.

The door opened into a sitting room dominated by an eight-foot long, deep blue sofa made of ebony wood with a couple of plump, white pillows. To either side of the sofa sat two wooden end tables, also made of ebony, which each held an elegant white lamp with a deep blue lampshade. In addition to the sofa were two highbacked chairs with white and light blue upholstery, and beneath all the furniture was a large rug that was a blend of white, light blue, and dark blue. It looked soft and lush, not as long as shag, but long enough that Kaladin wondered how nice it would feel in bare feet. The walls were fashioned with intricate light blue paneling with the designs delicately highlighted in white.

Kaladin frowned as he looked at the walls. He didn’t see any other doors. “Is this it?” he asked, probably rudely, but he was honestly confused.

Dru laughed, even though he must have heard similar questions all the time. “No, no. Over here.” He walked up to what appeared to Kaladin to be just another section of wall, but when Dru pushed on it, it made a quiet click and opened into another room. “This is the bedroom.”

The décor here was similar to the first room, but with a burgundy, red, and gold color scheme. The bed was rather large with far too many pillows in Kaladin’s opinion, but it did look comfortable.

Dru led him to another paneled door—this one was not hidden and was white with gold designs. “And here’s the bathroom.” He pointed to the handle. “ _This_ door locks. We do understand that _some_ privacy is needed.”

Kaladin followed him inside to a white and gold decorated bathroom that was as big as his entire bedroom back in his apartment. As Dru had said, a large glass-enclosed shower stood on the left with two shower heads, while a hot tub-sized bathtub dominated the back wall. A sink with a long counter stood on the right with a toilet beside it. Kaladin was beginning to understand why they charged the applicants so much.

“Okay, now that you’ve seen everything, let’s get you settled.”

Dru showed him where the telephone was, as well as the room service menu. He also showed him the alarms he could use if he felt he was in danger. Turned out there were a surprising number of those emergency buttons. Now that Kaladin knew what they looked like, he noticed them everywhere in the suite; he’d even seen some in the bathroom.

“Your emergency word today is ‘Extrication’, please repeat that for me.” Kaladin obliged. “Good, just repeat that to yourself a few times so you don’t forget it. No one has had to use their emergency word as long as I’ve worked here—we do what we can to weed out unsavory applicants—but I would never want you to be at risk, so I don’t treat these safety measures lightly.” Dru clapped his hands as if to scare away any negative thoughts. “Now! Let’s get your things put away and get you ready. Do you need to use the restroom first? Get changed at all?”

Kaladin looked down at himself. Should he have worn something different? He’d thrown on a deep purple button-down shirt and some comfortable, well-fitting jeans. It wasn’t much, but it’s not like he’d be wearing it for long. He shrugged, brushing off the comment, but stepped into the bathroom. He figured he should relieve himself now rather than trying to do it while wearing a blindfold.

When he came back out, Dru had opened a small safe on the opposite side of the room. This was also hidden behind a panel in the wall that popped out when pressed. “I’ll give you the combination, but just remember that we don’t allow any recording devices during your stay—that includes cell phones. You can give that to me now, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Sure.” Kaladin slipped his phone from his jeans, turned it off to conserve the battery, and handed it over.

“Thanks!” Dru tucked it away and made a note in his tablet, as he’d been doing throughout the tour. Probably a checklist of some kind. He let Kaladin take out his beat up, secondhand iPod before locking up his duffel bag, keys, and wallet. Then he handed Kaladin a slip of paper with the combination to the safe. “Now,” he said, “where would you like to wait?”

Kaladin immediately left the bedroom and took a seat on the wide, high-backed couch. Even though he knew the evening would lead to sex, he’d rather it started out with some casual talking. The pretense that this wasn’t only about sex might help him relax.

Once he got comfortable, Dru held up a strip of black cloth. “Let me know if I pull your hair, okay?” He slipped the cloth over Kaladin’s ears and through his shoulder-length hair, such that it wouldn’t all be flattened uncomfortably beneath the blindfold, then he pulled it tighter. “Is this too tight? Can you slip a finger underneath?” Kaladin demonstrated that he could, and Dru pulled it just a little tighter around the finger. “How’s that?”

“Fine.” The material used for the blindfold was wide enough and tight enough that Kaladin really couldn’t see anything—just a bit of light where the cloth stretched over the bridge of his nose. He took a breath. “How long ‘til he gets here?”

There was a pause, probably Dru checking the time. “If he’s as punctual as you, you’ll only be waiting for half an hour.”

Great.

“Is there anything you need before I leave?”

Kaladin shook his head.

“Alrighty, well I’ll be back when he arrives to give him the tour, okay? See you soon.”

Kaladin listened for the click of the door as Dru left, then kicked off his shoes and laid down, stretching out completely on the monstrous couch and resting his head on one of the large decorative pillows. He pressed an earbud into just one ear (he wanted to be able to hear if someone entered the room) and started up his music. He did his best to let his mind go blank, to not think about what would happen very soon. But it wasn’t much use.

The applicant had seemed kind and friendly on his profile. Would that translate in person? Would he care if Kaladin was enjoying himself? Or if it hurt? Well, it would probably hurt no matter what. But _how much_ would it hurt? Back in high school, he’d overheard horror stories from girls about their first times—blood and pain, and the guys just pushing through it like the girls weren’t even there. Was that going to happen to him? Surely not everyone’s first experience was like that, otherwise half the population wouldn’t even bother with sex.

Kaladin’s thoughts followed in that vein until, finally, he heard a quick knock on the door. He panicked, jolting upright and fumbling to shut off his music before yanking the earbud from his ear.

“This is the sitting room,” Dru’s voice said as the door opened. “And, as you can see, your partner for tonight has been making use of the sofa. Do you need anything?”

It took half a beat for Kaladin to realize Dru was addressing him. He cursed the blindfold and himself for agreeing to this situation to begin with. “No,” he mumbled. “I’m fine.” He stood up, distinctly feeling at a disadvantage with the loss of his sight.

“Hi,” another voice said, obviously belonging to his “partner”. It was deeper than Dru’s, a smooth baritone that wasn’t nasally or harsh (in fact, it was annoyingly attractive). The voice was just as kind and friendly as the man’s tone had been in his profile.

“Hi.” Kaladin blindly held out his hand and only a waited a moment before a warm, lightly-calloused hand grasped his in a firm shake.

“I’m Ad— Um...”

The man cut himself off and paused, and Kaladin rolled his eyes behind the blindfold. Had this guy seriously been about to tell Kaladin his real name after all of the extra precautions? What an idiot.

“I mean, you can call me Adam.”

“Okay.”

A pause. And then, “...What should I call you?”

Oh, right.

“Kal is fine.” It was a nickname he’d had when he was a kid. Maybe it was too close to the truth, but he figured ‘Kal’ could be short for a lot of names, so it wasn’t a big deal.

“Kal,” the other man repeated. “Nice to meet you.”

“Sure.”

Kaladin suffered a few awkward seconds of realizing his response had been rude before Dru, blessedly, interrupted.

“Great!” Dru clapped his hands once, dispelling the discomfort in the room. “Just this way, sir. I’ll show you the bedroom.”

Kaladin listened to Dru give “Adam” the same spiel about the alarms, the bathroom, the room service, and the safe. Occasionally, Adam would respond, answering a question or asking one of his own. The man seemed at ease with the whole situation, earning a laugh out of Dru more than once, and dragging him into brief conversations that had nothing to do with the business or why they were here.

Finally, the tour seemed to be over, as Kaladin heard two sets of muffled footsteps enter the sitting room.

“All right, guys, that’s it,” Dru declared. “Have a good time! Just call if you need anything!”

Kaladin grunted as Adam said, “Thanks, Dru.” Then the door clicked shut, leaving the two men alone together.

When his partner continued to remain silent, Kaladin grew increasingly more tense, standing with his hands clenched at his sides. He’d thought maybe the other man would just take the lead, being the experienced one here. What was he supposed to say? What were they supposed to do? Kaladin wasn’t very good with people to begin with, but being blindfolded wasn’t helping matters; maybe if he could see the other man’s expression, he could read the situation better. Why was Adam being so quiet? Was he staring? What was he thinking? Did he think Kaladin wasn’t what he wanted after all? How close was he?

A hand grabbed at Kaladin’s suddenly and he jerked away, lifting his arms into a defensive stance.

“Whoa, sorry!” the other man said. “I’m—I’ve never done this before.”

“What?” Kaladin hissed. They couldn’t both be virgins. That was stupid.

“The blindfold,” Adam clarified.

Oh.

“I didn’t really think about how it might make you feel. I’m sorry.... How about if I tell you when I’m going to touch you, and where? Would that help?”

Kaladin nodded, lowering his arms, but he didn’t truly relax. This was actually really stressful. He felt trapped.

“Okay,” Adam said. “I’m going to touch your left shoulder.”

A moment later, Kaladin felt a warm hand lightly settle on his left shoulder, but even with the warning, he stiffened up again. Maybe he should have thought about his aversion to being touched and touching other people a _little_ more after reading this guy’s profile, where he’d _clearly_ stated he was touchy-feely. Kaladin had thought he would be able to do handle it, but now he wasn’t sure.

“Take a deep breath, Kal. You just need to relax.”

“Maybe I could relax if I wasn’t _blindfolded_ ,” he snapped.

“I did put that in my profile,” Adam reminded, a frown in his voice. “Are you having second thoughts? Should we—?”

“No,” Kaladin grit out through clenched teeth. He’d already come this far, he would see it through to the end. He tried taking a breath as the other man had suggested. It didn’t really help.

The hand on his shoulder slid up to brush at the side of his neck, making him rise his shoulders even more, awkwardly tilting his head against the touch as if to shake the hand off. Adam then reversed the direction of the caress back across Kaladin’s shoulder and down to rub his upper arm in what Kaladin supposed was a soothing manner. He stood stiffly beneath the touch, tense like a cornered animal ready to bolt the first chance it got.

Despite this severely negative reaction, Adam repeated the motion a few times before warning, “I’m going to touch your other shoulder now.”

There was a shorter pause between the warning and the touch this time, but Kaladin reacted a little better—though, that could very well be only for the simple fact that he was already tensed up.

Adam continued to glide his hands across Kaladin’s shoulders and then slowly transitioned into massaging them—which was probably really difficult to do when the person receiving the massage was pretending to be made out of stone.

There was a laugh in Adam’s voice as he said, “Seriously, just breathe. Don’t think about anything else.”

That was easier said than done. All of Kaladin’s focus was on the points of contact between them. It was only with great effort that he forced himself to actively think only of his breathing. Inhale for four seconds, hold four, exhale for four seconds, hold four. The controlled rhythm seemed to work to calm his nerves.

Slowly, Kaladin let himself be more aware of his surroundings again. He tried to pretend that the blackness before his vision was just because he had his eyes closed, that maybe Adam was just a friend who he’d confided in that he felt stressed and who was helping him out. That was something normal people did, right?

Adam continued to work the muscles in Kaladin’s shoulders, his hands strong and sure. Perhaps because Kaladin had relaxed enough, the massage became somewhat effective. It actually felt kind of nice.

“You’re pretty tall,” the other man said, breaking the silence but continuing the massage. “Like, six-eight, right? I don’t usually meet people taller than me.”

Kaladin shrugged awkwardly beneath Adam’s hands. He was used to comments about his height. The only person he’d met taller than himself was Rock, who was about six feet, ten inches. But if Kaladin remembered Adam’s profile correctly, he was six foot four, which honestly was a decent height. Kaladin always figured that if he ever decided to date someone, he’d hoped he could find someone that would be around that height, give or take an inch.

Adam chuckled, a low, pleasant sound that made Kaladin remember the other man’s profile picture, the curve of his mouth and his white teeth. It really just made Kaladin irritated all over again that he couldn’t see. And why was Adam laughing, anyway?

“Not much of a talker, are you?”

There was, perhaps, too much acid in Kaladin’s voice as he responded with, “Last I checked, you didn’t just pay thousands of dollars to _talk_.”

The hands froze on Kaladin’s shoulders and then disappeared, leaving a coldness in their wake. Maybe that hadn’t been the right thing to say.

Adam sounded resigned as he said, “You’re not ready to do this, are you?”

Kaladin huffed out a breath and gestured vaguely between the two of them. “Can you just—just get it over with?”

“Kal,” Adam said, voice admonishing. “That’s a _terrible_ idea. If I do that, you’re going to end up angry—with me and with yourself.” A touch came to Kaladin’s face without warning and he flinched, but the other man offered no apology this time, stroking his hand over Kaladin’s cheek. “I want you to enjoy this. It should be something you remember fondly, not some quick, dirty moment where you just...grin and bear it.” There was a pause. “Only, you’re not even grinning.”

Kaladin snorted, turning his head away. The man was right, unfortunately. Kaladin was so uncomfortable that he just wanted it to be over with quickly, but at the same time he felt like things were moving too fast—and they hadn’t even done anything yet. He chewed on the inside of his cheek a moment and then quietly admitted, “I don’t know what to do.”

“That’s to be expected.”

“No, I mean...I have _no idea_. I’ve never dated anyone.”

“Aren’t you twenty-one?” the other man asked, voice incredulous.

Kaladin scowled in his general direction.

“Sorry. Right. Well, that explains a lot, actually....” Adam didn’t sound upset, though. Just like he was considering something. “It’s okay. We’ll just have to start a little slower than I thought.”

Kaladin felt himself relax slightly. He hadn’t ruined the evening. But he’d been close.

“Here.” With a tug on Kaladin’s hand, the other man guided him to sit on the couch. “We’ll start light, just touching, and then we’ll move on from there.”

Yeah. More touching. Great.

Kaladin grudgingly complied, sitting stiffly on the couch beside the other man.

“Okay,” Adam said. “Go ahead.”

“Wait, what? I just told you I don’t know what I’m doing. Shouldn’t you lead?”

“No, that’s backwards. You need to find out what you like. You need to be comfortable and go at your own pace. You weren’t in control before, and I think that was part of why you were frustrated. I should have realized that would be a problem, especially with you being blindfolded. So, yeah, it’s your turn. Touch me wherever you want and we’ll do this as long as you want to; I like being touched, remember?”

Right, “sex should be fun”, and all that.

Kaladin took a deep breath and reached out into the blackness towards the other man...

...And reached out further...

...And—where _was_ this guy?

Adam chuckled as Kaladin felt fingers encircle his wrist, gently guiding his wayward hand down to the other man’s shoulder. “You were _way_ off.”

Kaladin flushed, but pressed on, lifting his other hand to a matching position on Adam’s other shoulder. The muscles there were larger than Kaladin had pictured, unyielding under his touch. Normally, he would be internally cringing at touching someone else, but maybe because it wasn’t skin-to-skin, this wasn’t so bad. It probably helped that Adam smelled nice. Kaladin explored with his hands out across Adam’s shoulders then down to grope at impressive biceps. How often did Adam work out?

Kaladin trailed his hands all the way down the muscular arms to brush his fingers over Adam’s knuckles where his hands lay relaxed on his thighs. Kaladin was taken off guard when the other man lifted his own fingers to play with Kaladin’s for a moment, entwining them with his and giving his hand a brief squeeze, before twisting to brush a tickling touch across Kaladin’s palms to his fingertips. Kaladin had never touched or held someone’s hand—save for holding his mother’s hand as a child, but that was completely different. The simple exchange felt so unexpectedly intimate that his hands tingled. He wanted more.

Afraid of this thought, Kaladin moved on abruptly. He skipped back up to Adam’s shoulders and down to his chest. As he’d expected, Adam’s chest was just as muscular as the rest of him, his strong pecs covered by the soft button-down shirt he wore. Kaladin’s pulse picked up speed as he got a better idea of the other man’s physique. Without the use of his sight, he had to rely on touch to build an image of Adam in his mind. So far, it was a rather nice image. Kaladin rested his hands there for a moment, just feeling the other man breathe. Judging by the frequency and length of each breath, Adam was relaxed. He hadn’t seemed put-out at all by Kaladin’s severe naivety or annoyed by his brusqueness. The other man was perfectly patient and accommodating.

Kaladin let his hands slide further down, over muscled ribs to a taut stomach. He could practically count the abs through Adam’s shirt, and his mouth watered. Okay, put this mental image with the picture in Adam’s profile and Kaladin knew one thing—this guy was hot. Why was he single? Why was he _here_ , doing this with an inexperienced loser like Kaladin? He could probably get anyone he wanted into his bed. He didn’t need this.

Any questions Kaladin wanted to ask flew from his mind as his wandering hands reached the top of the other man’s dress slacks where his shirt was tucked into his pants. He paused, mouth dry. He wasn’t ready for this.

“Go ahead,” Adam spoke up softly. “Do whatever you want. This is for you.”

Instead of continuing southward, Kaladin began tugging the shirt out of Adam’s pants. He still needed to work up to _that_ particular area, but it would be nice to maybe feel the other man’s muscles without the shirt in the way—an odd desire on Kaladin’s part, but he was beginning to wonder if he wasn’t completely opposed to touch after all. Maybe it was just sudden touches from other people that bothered him so much; this gradual approach was working out so far.

As Kaladin worked on taking off Adam’s shirt, he forced himself to move slowly, but his hands still shook with nerves. On top of that, he had difficulty maneuvering the buttons back through the buttonholes without being able to see what he was doing.

The shirt tugged in a direction unrelated to Kaladin’s actions and he realized the other man was helping. “If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have worn this shirt,” Adam said, a smile in his voice. “It’s not like you can see it, anyway, and it’s harder to take off than a t-shirt.”

Kaladin grunted in agreement. He’d worn the same kind of shirt tonight. Although, Adam probably wouldn’t have any trouble taking it off later, seeing as he wasn’t blindfolded.

After only a moment, Adam’s shirt was completely unbuttoned, and Kaladin slowly brushed it open, feeling warm, smooth skin beneath his fingertips. It was surreal how eager he was to touch the other man, when hours before he would have been mortified at the thought—weeks before, he would have felt mildly disgusted or nauseated. Touching _really_ wasn’t his thing. But, right now, touching Adam was actually rather pleasant, soothing even. Kaladin could admit that there was a certain appeal—especially if the person you were touching had such perfect skin.

Kaladin let his hands roam over the other man’s chest, felt the heat of him beneath his palms, the firm muscles. He must wax because Kaladin didn’t feel any hair, only soft skin. He inadvertently brushed his pinky over a nipple and he heard the other man’s breath hitch almost imperceptibly.

Kaladin froze. He’d probably look like a deer in headlights if the blindfold wasn’t in the way.

“It’s okay, Kal. Don’t be afraid to make me feel good.”

Kaladin swallowed at the warmth in the other man’s voice. He hadn’t known it was possible to be turned on just by turning someone else on. Interesting.

Encouraged, Kaladin repeated the action with his thumb, just lightly grazing the pebbled flesh, and heard the other man sigh in response. Kaladin was so aware of the man’s breathing as the muscled chest rose and fell beneath his hands. He gave the other nipple the same treatment for a moment, but soon lost his bravado and moved on. He didn’t know how to do anything more...stimulating. Didn’t people suck on each other’s nipples? He’d probably mess that up.

Kaladin slid his hands down to those lovely abs that he’d only been able to feel the outline of beneath the shirt before. Now, he let his palms smooth over them, fingers following the grooves in the taut flesh. He wished he could see them too, the way they would move when Adam breathed or flex when he laughed.

“Careful, you’re drooling.”

Kaladin’s ears burned. “I am not. Fuck you.” Was his face that easy to read?

Adam’s rejoining laugh seemed to imply that it was.

Pushing down his embarrassment, Kaladin ran his hands around the other man’s waist and up his back. Of course Adam had a nice back too, by the feel of it, and Kaladin tried to school his face into one of passive curiosity to hide how much he was enjoying this. He could feel the muscles shift beneath his fingers as Adam moved his arms out of the way, tugging at the unbuttoned shirt that had been left hanging off his shoulders. Kaladin scratched lightly down the smooth plane of skin with blunt fingernails that probably wouldn’t even cause a red mark. Even so, the other man’s breath shuddered somewhere near Kaladin’s ear.

“I can’t wait to touch you,” Adam whispered, causing Kaladin’s heart to flutter.

Despite his words, Adam kept his hands to himself, upholding his earlier promise that it was Kaladin who was in control right now. Kaladin didn’t know whether to be grateful or annoyed. It was so bizarre realizing he actually _wanted_ to be touched by the other man. He’d never wanted to be touched before, but he wanted it now more than he could express.

He spread his hands wide and smoothed up the other man’s back again, only a little frustrated at himself for leaving the shirt on—it was really getting in the way. He circled his hands around to the other man’s chest and slid up to his shoulders, where he pushed at the open shirt to slip it the rest of the way off.

“Wait a sec. I have to unbutton the cuffs.”

“Really?” Kaladin did _not_ whine.

Adam laughed. “I told you I would have worn something else if I had thought about it.”

Kaladin waited patiently—well, almost patiently—until Adam finally said, “Done.”

Without wasting any time, Kaladin reached forward to glide his hands over those broad shoulders, up to a thick neck—he really needed to ask Adam for his workout routine—and cupped a firm, cleanshaven jaw. He stroked his fingers along the other man’s jawline to his ears, then slowly stretched his thumbs towards each other to feel a straight nose. He moved upwards to swipe over neat eyebrows.

“Is this weird? Should I stop?”

“Well, I admit I wasn’t really expecting this, but I did say, ‘Touch me wherever you want to.’ It’s kind of nice, actually.”

That was permission enough, so Kaladin let his fingertips trace over a smooth forehead, high cheekbones, long eyelashes, and the silky soft skin of Adam’s closed eyelids—and he wondered what color were the eyes beneath them; smoky gray, vibrant green, bright blue? But what he really wanted to touch, he saved for last; with one hand, he finally caressed his fingers over the other man’s mouth. He was mildly startled when Adam kissed his fingers, but not enough to back off. He brushed his thumb over a plump lower lip, feeling the corners of Adam’s mouth rise in a smile.

“Tickles,” Adam murmured against Kaladin’s touch. But he didn’t pull away.

Kaladin felt himself smiling in response, despite his nerves. He leaned in slowly, removing his hand from Adam’s mouth to instead wander into surprisingly soft hair. His heart began to beat wildly in his chest as he hovered, his mouth only a centimeter from the other man’s. They breathed the same air for a moment as Kaladin hesitated. Could he do this?

“Is this a test?” Adam whispered. “To see if I’ll break my promise?”

Kaladin bit his own lower lip. If he couldn’t kiss this man, he might as well go home. And with that thought of defeat, he made up his mind. He whispered back, “Yeah. You passed.”

Then Kaladin moved just a fraction closer to graze his lips against the other man’s. The contact tingled, like little sparks skittering across the sensitive skin of his mouth. It wasn’t even technically a kiss, and yet it was more exciting than that kiss he’d had at sixteen. He liked the way it felt and spent another moment doing no more than that, just brushing their lips together. Adam didn’t make a move to press closer, though he did engage in the non-kiss by moving his head minutely from side to side, imitating Kaladin.

Eventually, Kaladin decided he’d stalled long enough. He pulled back to steel himself, took a breath, and then lightly pressed his mouth to Adam’s. The other man’s lips were soft and dry and warm and pressed back exactly equally against Kaladin’s—not taking over the kiss, but not just sitting there either. After a brief moment, Kaladin ended the kiss but, despite himself, he immediately moved back in for another. The next kiss was just a fraction more firm, and when he pulled away, their lips made a quiet smooch. Then he moved back in for another kiss, and another. He couldn’t stop.

He was an idiot for waiting so long to do this.

Kaladin held Adam’s face between his hands and continued to thoroughly enjoy the man’s mouth. Obviously, Kaladin didn’t know much about kissing, but he just did what felt natural, like sucking on Adam’s lower lip, then biting on it lightly—this earned him a groan from the other man that sent a burst of arousal through him. Kaladin broke away from the kiss with a gasp.

“I don’t—” he panted out a laugh. “That’s more than I’ve ever done before.”

Adam laughed as well, and Kaladin was glad to hear that he wasn’t the only one who sounded a little breathless. “Could have fooled me.”

“Can you...uh. I mean—”

“Want me to lead now?”

Kaladin dipped his chin in a nod and pulled his hands away, but the other man immediately caught them and returned them to his shoulders.

“The ‘no touching’ rule only applies to me.”

“Okay.”

“—Unless you’re overwhelmed? If you are, we can take a break.”

“No,” Kaladin reassured. “I’m good.”

“You’ll let me know, though, right? I don’t want to push you too far, too fast.”

“Yeah. I will...”

Kaladin left off the ‘thank you’ but he really was grateful for the other man’s consideration. Most people didn’t understand Kaladin—didn’t understand his hesitance with physical contact—but Adam was taking it all in stride.

A moment later, Kaladin felt fingertips on his cheek followed by a lightly calloused hand which cupped his face. Another hand settled against his waist, warm and comfortable. He could hear the other man shift to lean closer, felt his breath ghost across his face, then lips touched his own in a chaste kiss.

Kaladin didn’t know if he was shaking with nervousness or excitement. Maybe both. At any rate, he pressed back into the kiss, breathing in the scent of the other man’s cologne and burying fingers in his hair.

The next kiss was less chaste, as Adam parted his lips to capture Kaladin’s bottom lip, much as Kaladin had done just minutes ago—only this was less clumsy. Subconsciously, Kaladin hummed and leaned into the kiss, winding his arms around the Adam’s shoulders and pressing their chests together. The other man responded by sliding one arm fully around Kaladin’s waist and bringing his hand from Kaladin’s cheek to settle between his shoulder blades.

Adam released Kaladin’s lower lip with a smack only to capture it again and nibbled lightly, swiping his tongue back and forth. Feeling brave, Kaladin parted his lips to allow access. His heart hammered behind his rib cage, his whole body tingling as the other man explored his mouth for a moment.

When the arm around Kaladin’s waist tightened, he let the other man pull him forward, adjusting for space by settling his knees to either side of Adam’s hips—he distantly noted that he was practically in the guy’s lap, but couldn’t bring himself to care. The hand on his back reached up to cup the back of his head, tilting it minutely to better slot their mouths together, and then Adam’s tongue danced with his own, the slick feeling both strange and arousing.

They continued kissing for several long, very enjoyable minutes. They oscillated between deep kisses that sent adrenaline rushing through Kaladin’s veins like electricity, his body burning—and slow, intimate kisses that made him emit embarrassing noises (he chose to ignore the smile he could feel turning up Adam’s mouth every time he made them).

Eventually, Adam broke away and they both gasped, catching their breath. Even still, Adam scattered kisses across Kaladin’s jaw to his neck, which Kaladin had only just discovered was incredibly sensitive—had it always been that sensitive? He tilted his head to give the other man space, burying a hand in that ridiculously soft hair. Adam continued to press heated, open-mouthed kisses to Kaladin’s neck and the skin beneath his jaw, and he shivered at the attention.

Even though Kaladin’s lips tingled and felt swollen, he felt like they’d barely begun. He tugged lightly at the hair fisted between his fingers, guiding the other man’s mouth back to his. Adam groaned deeply and latched his mouth back onto Kaladin’s without protest. Kaladin felt an answering moan bubble up out of his own throat, only to be swallowed by the other man. He could feel arousal pooling in his groin and finally decided tonight wasn’t a bad decision after all. Apparently, Adam knew exactly what he was doing. And yes, he was a good at kissing.

Kaladin let his hands wander again, touching every inch of skin he could reach. He felt Adam doing the same, hands slipping into Kaladin’s shirt to run up his back, his sides, and down to Kaladin’s less-impressive abs. Adam seemed to appreciate them anyway, calloused fingers stroking warmly. Hastily, Kaladin began unbuttoning his shirt—he wanted those hands all over every inch of his body with nothing in the way.

Adam sucked at Kaladin’s lower lip and pulled away, dropping a final, almost chaste smooch to his swollen mouth. “Need some help?” His voice was husky, sending another shiver down Kaladin’s spine.

“Yeah,” he admitted, realizing his hands were shaking. “Just having trouble with the buttons—again.”

Together, they made quick work of his shirt and it was tossed off somewhere in the darkness behind the blindfold. He’d worry about it later.

Just as Kaladin had hoped, Adam was eager to explore, and he did so with enthusiasm. Where hands led, lips followed, a tongue darting out to taste. Kaladin’s whole body was on fire, goosebumps rising on every inch of his skin. He couldn’t keep up anymore; the novel sensation of so much physical contact was overwhelming, so he just gripped Adam’s shoulders and let himself enjoy it. The other man didn’t seem to mind, easing Kaladin back to lie on the sofa, his head resting again on the pillow.

When a hot mouth enveloped one of his nipples, Kaladin gasped, arching his chest upward. Why did that feel so good? Adam sucked gently, tongue flicking out to coax the sensitive flesh into rising and firming up beneath his ministrations. His teeth grazed the nub lightly and Kaladin did his best just to breathe. After a moment of this, the other man kissed his way over to Kaladin’s other nipple to give it the same attention, at the same time lifting a hand to tweak the previous one in a manner that bespoke practice.

Okay, so people definitely did this and now Kaladin understood why.

After a moment, Adam moved on, kissing wetly down Kaladin’s ribs and over his abs. Kaladin touched Adam’s hair again, smoothing it back. He found himself again wishing he could see the other man. The lack of his sight almost made the whole thing feel like a fever dream, some fantasy he’d woven on a heated night when being alone had gotten to be too much.

Adam traveled all the way down to the waistband of Kaladin’s jeans and then stopped abruptly. Kaladin would have been disappointed, but he was placated by the searing kiss the other man gave him directly afterwards.

“I don’t want to move too fast,” Adam panted against Kaladin’s mouth. “Did you want to keep going or just do this for a little longer?”

“Keep going,” Kaladin responded immediately. To punctuate his point, he slid his hand along the other man’s (quite muscular) thigh, pausing just before he reached his groin.

“Touch me,” Adam murmured in his ear.

Kaladin felt his face heat up at Adam’s sultry tone, but slid his hand a little further until his fingers brushed over the bulge in the other man’s dress slacks. Adam grazed his lips across Kaladin’s cheek in an almost-kiss, encouraging, so he moved forward, cautiously pressing his hand fully against the other man’s groin. Adam dropped his forehead to Kaladin’s shoulder, a sigh caressing his neck and his heartrate quickened. Adam was firm beneath Kaladin’s hand. And maybe it was just the lack of sight, but he _felt_ really big. Kaladin dared to grip the other man through his pants, stroking firmly, and was rewarded with a bruising kiss at the junction of his neck and shoulder.

“Are you giving me a hickey?”

Adam detached his mouth, licking at the spot soothingly. “Sorry.”

“Just keep it to places I can hide beneath a t-shirt.”

“I can do that,” Adam answered, and Kaladin swore he could hear him smiling.

A light touch settled on Kaladin’s right cheek, a soft press of lips to the corner of his mouth.

“Can I touch you, too?”

“Yeah,” Kaladin whispered, as if saying it quietly would make it less obvious how badly he wanted it.

The other man ran a thumb upwards along the front of Kaladin’s jeans, but it was honestly hard to feel much sensation through them. So it was no surprise that Adam then popped the button open and eased down the zipper over the bulge of Kaladin’s growing erection. With one fluid motion, he reached into Kaladin’s boxer briefs and pulled his cock out. Kaladin bit his lip at the feeling of those calloused hands on his sensitive cock. It felt so much different—so much better—than his own hands. When the other man started to pump him slowly, he kind of lost track of anything else that was going on.

“Feel good?” Adam asked, bringing him back to himself.

Kaladin realized he’d just been sitting there with his mouth open like an idiot. He reached out blindly to find Adam’s shoulders and cupped the back of his head to pull him forward into a kiss. As their tongues tangled, Adam continued stroking him at a steady pace, breaking the kiss only a moment later.

“Don’t want to assume...” he mumbled against Kaladin’s lips. “But has anyone ever sucked you off before?”

Kaladin’s breath caught in his chest as desire burned through him. He couldn’t speak so he just shook his head in the negative.

“You want me to—”

Kaladin nodded in affirmation, maybe a bit too eagerly judging by Adam’s laugh (but it didn’t feel like he was laughing _at_ him; it was warm and actually made Kaladin crack a small smile in return).

“Why’d you decide to do this?”

“Um... Because I’m pretty sure you’re gonna like it?”

“No,” Kaladin waved toward his groin. “Not this. I mean why did you apply?”

“Is that really important?” Adam asked.

Kaladin huffed and dropped his head back. “It just doesn’t make any sense.”

Adam tugged lightly at his jeans. “Lift your hips.”

Kaladin obliged and felt his pants slide down his thighs, then lowered himself and felt Adam pull them the rest of the way off, taking his socks off as well. The other man ran his large, rough hands up Kaladin’s legs caressing his inner thighs—which spread wider lewdly and without Kaladin’s consent.

“I’m in a position right now where I can’t be seen with another man. There are reputations and careers at stake.”

“That’s stupid,” Kaladin declared with a frown. “Who cares about that?”

Adam chuckled, but he sounded weary when he said, “I wish it was that easy.” He continued stroking Kaladin’s thighs from knee to hip and down again, making his skin tingle pleasantly. “I haven’t slept with anyone in a year and half just to try to avoid a scandal.”

Kaladin reached up to touch the blindfold.

“Yeah, that’s the only reason I needed you to wear that,” Adam confirmed. He suddenly gripped Kaladin’s erection again, eliciting a gasp. “Trust me, I’d rather see you.”

Well that was confusing. “ _I’m_ the one who can’t see.”

Adam chuckled. “But I can’t see your eyes. It’s not the same.” He stroked more firmly and Kaladin felt his cock swell further at the touch. “Next time you have sex, you’ll see what I mean.”

Kaladin had no idea when he would be having sex again, but he didn’t need to bother telling Adam that.

“Here, sit up more against the arm of the couch. We’ll fit better that way.”

Kaladin did as suggested and, as he did so, allowed the other man to remove his underwear as well. He settled down, feeling rather comfortable for someone who was completely naked in front of another man for the first time. But it was hard not to be comfortable around Adam. He felt the other man shift, settling between Kaladin’s legs and Kaladin opened them a little wider to accommodate him. With one hand, Adam gripped his waist, the other wrapping around his erection, tough light but firm.

And then Kaladin’s heart leapt to his throat as a hot, wet tongue slid up the underside of his cock. Adam repeated this motion up the sides as well and then laved at the tip sending jolts of electricity up Kaladin’s spine. He was wrecked. All he could do was grip at the couch and try to breathe. Lips soon replaced tongue—first with a close-mouthed kiss, then parting to apply light suction. Then without warning that mouth pressed down, enveloping him in warm, velvety wetness.

“Oh, God.”

His hand moved involuntarily into Adam’s hair, gripping tightly. The other man grunted, sending vibrations directly into Kaladin’s cock, causing it to jump and causing him to hold on tighter.

The heat of Adam’s mouth was replaced by a rush of cold air as he pulled off. “Not so hard, Kal, Jesus.”

“Sorry,” he responded breathily, loosening his grip. Where was his control?

He ran his hands through that soft hair in apology and was rewarded with the return of the other man’s mouth. This time, as Adam bobbed up and down, Kaladin was careful not to pull too hard, just scratching lightly at the other man’s scalp. This, Adam seemed to appreciate more, moaning around Kaladin and sucking harder. Kaladin responded with his own moan, head falling back and spine arching. Adam encouraged him as he worked with firm caresses to the thigh that Kaladin had apparently thrown over the other man’s shoulder. When had he done that?

Heat pooled low in his belly, building quickly. He wasn’t going to last much longer. “I’m—”

Adam picked up his pace, both hands moving to grip Kaladin’s hips, keeping him still. He was well and truly being swallowed down the other man’s throat. The hot wetness of it, soft and tight around him, it was all too overwhelming. Then Adam hummed, long and low, and Kaladin lost it, orgasming with a cry, hands burying themselves in Adam’s hair again. He felt the other man’s throat work around him—was he swallowing?—before Adam finally pulled away.

He gently removed Kaladin’s leg from his shoulder, lowering it to the couch. Kaladin couldn’t move. He just lay there catching his breath and letting his heart slow to a reasonable pace. That couldn’t have even been five minutes. How embarrassing.

He felt the other man shift up, then a hand touched his face sliding around to cup the back of his head as Adam guided him forward into a kiss. It was slow and gentle, lazy almost, a messy press of lips and tongues. Kaladin could taste himself on Adam’s tongue and he breathed out a small moan at the heady notion.

When Adam pulled away again, Kaladin lay his head back, sated and sleepy. He only barely registered the other man rising from the couch. He still didn’t bother moving, though.

He listened as Adam walked across the room, his footsteps muffled by the thick carpet, to disappear into the other room. A moment later, he heard the bathroom door shut and he began to doze.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Kaladin woke an unknown amount of time later to a warm, callused hand running from his calf, to his thigh, over his hip, along his ribs, across his chest, and into his hair. He stirred and opened his eyes, confused for a moment as to why it was so dark. Lips pressed to his forehead and he remembered the blindfold and where he was.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” came Adam’s baritone voice, a little rough from their earlier activity. “I thought we could order a snack. Do you have a preference?”

Kaladin shook his head. “Just want some water.”

“Okay. Do you want to put some clothes on? Or maybe wait in the bedroom?”

Kaladin looked down at himself, or he would have if he’d been able to. Guess he didn’t need Dru or someone seeing him naked. He didn’t see the point of putting clothes back on though (other than his underwear, which he quickly donned), so he voted for bedroom.

“Not sure I can make it there without running into something.”

Adam huffed out a laugh. “Right. Here take my arm.” Despite his phrasing, he took Kaladin’s hand and settled it on the inside of his—delightfully large—left bicep. “I’ll make sure you don’t get hurt.”

Thankfully, there wasn’t actually much furniture in the suite so he was able to get to the bed without stubbing his toes on anything. It was only after the other man walked away that Kaladin remembered to be self-conscious. Being unable to see was making him forget that Adam could see _him_ just fine. As Adam walked away, Kaladin ran his fingers through his hair, which had become a little tangled. Then he reminded himself to stop being vain.

Adam called room service to put in their order, then Kaladin heard him walk into the bathroom again and the sound of running water. The sink, maybe? A moment later, Adam settled next to Kaladin on the bed, taking his hand—Kaladin was surprised at the realization that he no longer jumped at Adam’s touch—and a cool glass pressed into his palm. “Got you some water. They had cups by the phone.”

“Thanks.” Kaladin threw a small grin in Adam’s general direction and emptied the glass quickly.

“You look nice when you smile,” the other man said softly.

These words had the unfortunate effect of causing Kaladin to frown. “You don’t have to give me compliments. I know you don’t mean them.”

Fingers brushed the hair away from his face, tucking it behind one ear. “What if I do?”

“Stop anyway,” Kaladin snapped. He didn’t deserve compliments.

“Okay.”

An awkward silence fell around them and was only broken minutes later by a knock at the door.

“Be right back,” Adam muttered. His weight lifted from the bed and Kaladin was left alone.

He mentally kicked himself. He never could let anything good happen to himself. He always had to say the wrong thing, let his negative emotions rise to the surface. Who would want to be around him?

The door of the suite closed and a moment later Kaladin heard the sound of something sliding along the bedcovers. Curious, he inched his hand in that direction to feel the cool metal of a tray.

“I got grapes and cheese. I hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Kaladin mumbled. “I’m not a picky eater.”

The bed dipped again as Adam settled next to him, the tray between them. The other man didn’t sound angry, but Kaladin couldn’t help feeling like he’d broken something. There had begun to be an easiness between them, but it seemed to have dissipated and he wasn’t sure if he could get it back.

“Um, which way are the grapes?” He didn’t want to feel around the tray touching all of the food. That was just rude.

“Hold out your hand.”

He did as requested and Adam placed a bunch of grapes in his palm, still on the stem. “Thanks.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Kaladin couldn’t take it anymore. “Sorry,” he blurted. “For being rude before. I don’t take compliments well.”

“It’s okay,” Adam said, and it sounded like he might have been smiling. “You have a nice frown, too. Very manly.”

Kaladin snorted. “You’re a dick.” He popped another grape in his mouth and, after a moment, he asked, “So what do you do? I mean, the career that won’t let you be gay.”

“I can’t be specific, but I will say I’m in the public eye and every aspect of my life is looked at in excruciating detail.”

Kaladin grimaced and Adam laughed.

“My feelings exactly.”

“Why do you do it? Is it worth it?”

“I know you won’t believe me, but yeah, it’s worth it. I can do a lot of good in my position, help a lot of people. My sex life can sit on the backburner.”

He sounded like a good person, genuinely so. He wasn’t bragging, he was just stating a fact, like he had chosen this path and was resigned to do what was needed. Obviously, Kaladin didn’t fully know what that entailed, but the sacrifice was admirable.

“I think you’re out of grapes,” Adam said after a few minutes. “Want some cheese? There’s cheddar, Swiss, and Monterey jack. ”

“Surprise me.” Kaladin accepted the little cubes of cheese that dropped into his palm.

“I gave you all three. Now each bite will be a surprise.”

Kaladin snorted, and hesitantly nibbled on a cube. Swiss.

“So what do you do?” Adam asked. “If you don’t mind me asking.” Kaladin noted that his tone wasn’t sarcastic. Adam was sincerely trying to make sure he wasn’t crossing any lines or upsetting Kaladin again.

“I work at a sports bar. It’s one of those where the waitresses have to wear revealing clothing so douchebags can stare at them while they eat.”

“Ah, like The Bridge.”

Kaladin grinned. “Exactly. I’m a cook. It isn’t a great job, but it pays the rent.” He hesitated, then figured it wouldn’t hurt to tell the other man about school. “I’m working through my degree, too; doctor of medicine. I’m going to be a surgeon.”

“That’s a lot of work, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but,” Kaladin threw a conspiratorial smile in Adam’s direction. “It’s worth it.”

They ate in companionable silence after that. It no longer felt awkward. Kaladin realized that Adam was a pretty easy going person. It seemed like it was hard to offend him or make him mad. Which worked out very much in Kaladin’s favor as he tended to rub people the wrong way.

“That’s the whole tray,” Adam announced a few minutes later. “Want some more water?”

Kaladin nodded, holding his glass out toward what he hoped was a good approximation of Adam’s location. Fingers brushed his as the glass was taken away. It shouldn’t have meant anything after what they had done earlier in the evening, but Kaladin felt his fingertips tingle at the contact. He wondered what it would have been like to have met Adam somewhere else. Would they have gotten along? Would they have even noticed each other, or would they have passed each other by, like ships in the night? Would they have ever come to be this intimate?

A touch to his hand signaled Adam’s return. Kaladin raised his hand to accept the proffered glass and then, without thinking, he caught Adam’s wrist with his other hand.

“Kal?”

Kaladin swallowed and then stood from the bed, reaching carefully, blindly for the other man’s face. He found the strong jaw and ran his fingertips from chin to ear, swiping his thumb over Adam’s lower lip. When he didn’t feel any resistance from the other man, he leaned down to press their lips together in a close-mouthed kiss. Adam responded promptly with a hum, encircling Kaladin’s waist with strong arms to pull their torsos flush together. The other man seemed content to let Kaladin lead, so he continued pecking at Adam’s mouth, enjoying the feel of soft lips against his own. He wished he had done this whole kissing thing sooner. It was really quite nice.

A bit of water sloshed over the glass in his hand, bringing him back to the present. He pulled back with one last lingering kiss, coming away with a soft smacking sound.

“You sure you didn’t know how to kiss before?” the other man asked. “Because you’re doing pretty good job.”

Kaladin shrugged, aware of Adam’s arms still around him. “I’m a fast learner.”

Adam chuckled. “I’ll say.” After a pause, he released Kaladin. “I think I’ll just brush my teeth if that’s okay. Cheese breath isn’t very sexy.”

Kaladin snorted into his water. That wasn’t a bad idea.

After they’d brushed their teeth (Kaladin had to have Adam open his safe to get his stuff, since he couldn’t actually see the keypad) and washed their hands, they sat together on the bed, backs against the headboard.

“So,” Adam began, “do you have family in Kholinar City?”

Kaladin shook his head. “They’re back in Hearthstone.”

“Hearthstone?”

“It’s this tiny town up in Sadeas. I came here to go to Kholin University a few years ago. I haven’t seen my parents since high school.” He trailed off, trying not to think about what he was sure Adam would ask next.

“Only child?”

There it was. Kaladin avoided this discussion with his friends and flat-out lied to acquaintances, but maybe it would be good to tell someone. For some reason, he felt like he could talk to Adam, like the other man wouldn’t judge him. Kaladin chewed on the inside of his cheek, considering. Even if Adam thought badly of him, would it matter? They’d never see each other again.

He took a deep breath. “I had a little brother,” he finally said, quietly. “He— I saw him get shot.”

He could hear Adam inhale sharply, but the other man didn’t say anything, and Kaladin was grateful. He needed to get this out. He hadn’t told anyone, not even The Bridge crew, and the weight of it over the years was wearing him down. Telling a complete stranger was somehow easier than telling his friends, and the blindfold meant he couldn’t see the pity in the other man’s eyes.

“It was rival gangs, fighting over turf. Tien was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was there but I... I couldn’t save him.” He paused, taking a shaky breath. “He was only thirteen.”

It hurt so much talking about this, but Kaladin thought maybe it had hurt _more_ not talking about it. Keeping it to himself hadn’t seemed to do any good. He knew it wouldn’t really change anything—he wouldn’t suddenly be happy just for having said all this out loud—but maybe he could admit that he felt a little lighter than he had before.

“How old were you?” The question wasn’t what he’d thought the other man would ask. It didn’t matter how old Kaladin had been, did it?

“Fourteen.”

“I’m sorry,” Adam said, voice soft. “I’m so sorry you had to see that. I can’t imagine losing my brother. That must have been hard.”

Kaladin swallowed, throat burning. It was _still_ hard. Every day he thought about Tien. _Every day_ he saw the moment of his death, his smile at Kaladin just before the gunshot rang out and the bullet went through his head. Kaladin’s chest felt tight and he forced in a shuddering breath, hands clenching into fists. Why couldn’t he just let go? Move on, like other people did?

He shook his head. “You don’t understand,” he whispered. “It was my fault. I was supposed to _protect_ him.”

“You tried to save him, and that’s what counts.”

Kaladin felt an arm slide around his shoulders and let himself lean against the other man. Why didn’t Adam hate him, now? Everyone should hate him.

A hand brushed his cheek and he came back to the present.

“Do you want more water?”

“Yeah, I’ll— I can get it.” He needed a moment to compose himself.

He felt carefully for the glass on the bedside table then shuffled towards the bathroom, one arm stretched out in front of himself. He managed to get there without running into anything and slipped inside, shutting the door. At the sink, he filled the glass and drained it, then splashed his face with water. He went ahead and relieved himself while he was here, washed his hands, and filled up the glass again.

He shuffled back to the bed and climbed in, settling on top of the covers beside Adam again. The other man took his hand wordlessly, lacing their fingers together and placing a kiss on the back of his hand. Kaladin wondered if this was normal, this level of intimacy Adam displayed towards him—a complete stranger. Something told him that most of the other applicants wouldn’t have behaved this way, wouldn’t have been so kind or accommodating. Kaladin wondered what it would be like to actually date Adam. To go out in public and do things with him, to laugh with him, to lay with him at night.

These were thoughts he shouldn’t entertain; they wouldn’t end well. He took a deep breath and pushed them away. “So, you have family, then?” he asked. “In Kholinar City?”

“Yeah, my whole family, actually. Dad, brother, aunt, and two cousins. I’ve never lived anywhere else.”

Kaladin nodded. He wasn’t sure which questions were safe to ask, how much information was too much information. “How old is your brother?”

“About your age. He’s a good kid, but he’s a bit of a black sheep. Sometimes I think I’m the only one that gets him. Maybe my cousin too, but then,” Adam chuckled to himself, “she’s also a black sheep.”

Kaladin smiled as Adam squeezed his hand, thumb brushing over the back of it casually. They shared a moment of companionable silence before Kaladin decided their break had been long enough. “Alright, you’ve only partially taken my virginity. I think it’s time you stopped slacking and finished the job.”

Adam laughed, the sound bursting out of him. Kaladin realized he really liked his laugh. “Yes, sir,” he said, tugging Kaladin closer by the hand.

Their lips met, and by this time it felt natural, familiar. Kaladin knew how to move with the other man, when to pucker his lips to suck lightly on his upper lip, when to open his mouth for tongues to explore each other. It was stupid, but he felt like he’d been kissing Adam for weeks, not hours. He hummed against the other man’s mouth as Adam reached up to cup Kaladin’s face in both hands, deepening the kiss. His heart fluttered as he felt the other man smile.

“You’re way too good at this,” Adam murmured.

Kaladin wanted to shoot back a snarky remark about having a good teacher, but Adam was already diving back in, guiding Kaladin to lie back against the ridiculous amount of pillows they had shoved to one side of the bed earlier. Kaladin let Adam pull off his underwear again, freeing his half-hard cock. Their tongues tangled for a moment longer before Adam started to kiss his way down Kaladin’s chest.

“Can I—” Kaladin started, voice rough to his own ears. “I want—”

“Tell me what you want, Kal,” Adam encouraged, moving back up to kiss him behind the ear. “Tell me what you want, and I’ll do it.”

Kaladin squeezed his eyes shut, heart speeding up at the heat in the other man’s voice. He gripped at Adam’s hair lightly, leaning his head back as the other man moved to kiss the column of his throat. “I want to suck your cock.”

“Fuck,” Adam growled, and a shiver went through Kaladin.

Their mouths met again in a bruising kiss, control slipping away in their passion. After a moment, Adam broke away, kissing lightly and erratically against Kaladin’s lips, then over his cheeks and jaw and neck. Then the other man eased back and Kaladin knew he was letting him take the lead.

Kaladin started by kissing his way down the other man’s chest and, figuring it couldn’t hurt to try, imitated the actions Adam had performed earlier, mouthing at a pert nipple and rolling it gently between his teeth. Adam seemed to appreciate his work, hands moving over Kaladin’s back, fingers brushing at the nape of his neck. Kaladin did the same with the other nipple then moved down, licking at the divot between Adam’s pecs and tracing a line with his tongue down to those wonderful abs. He worshipped them for a moment, enjoying the way they shifted beneath his lips and tongue as Adam breathed, then he licked at the ‘v’ that began at the other man’s hips and disappeared into his underwear.

“You took off your pants,” Kaladin realized.

“Yeah, after we ate,” Adam responded with a breathy laugh. “Didn’t want to be overdressed.”

That was fine. Made Kaladin’s job easier.

He moved lower, mouthing at Adam through his boxer briefs. The other man’s cock was completely hard and straining at the fabric, and Kaladin’s blood burned through him at the feel of it. He’d done that to Adam. He hooked his fingers in the waistband of the other man’s underwear and pulled them down, feeling Adam lift his hips to help. Once he got them off he tossed them blindly toward the floor and reached forward.

Adam was thick and heavy in his hands. Kaladin stroked the soft, firm flesh and nuzzled at the tight curls at the base, breathing in the musk of the other man. Adam groaned above him as Kaladin cupped his cock in one hand and pressed it to his mouth, grazing his closed lips along the length of it. He darted out his tongue to taste and then grew bolder, licking long wet stripes, feeling Adam’s pulse against his tongue. A hand tangled in his hair, not pushing or pulling, not demanding anything from him at all, but he took that as his cue.

He pressed a kiss to the tip of Adam’s cock and slid his mouth down, careful to keep his teeth from grazing the sensitive flesh. He swirled his tongue and Adam cursed above him, another hand joining the first to bury in Kaladin’s hair. Kaladin slid his own hands along Adam’s inner thighs, prompting the legs to open wider for him as he inched his mouth down Adam’s cock as far as he dared. Once he could take in no more, he gripped the base in his hands to make up for what his mouth couldn’t take.

Then Kaladin started moving slowly, lips curled over his teeth, tongue pressed flat along the underside as he applied suction. The hands in his hair stroked his scalp encouragingly and he soon found a rhythm, bobbing slowly up and down. His heart pounded in his ribcage as he listened to the other man’s ragged breathing, felt Adam’s thighs shake beneath him, and he picked up his pace. He hadn’t realized how erotic it would be to suck someone off. He knew it was nice on the receiving end, but this was honestly just as arousing. He hummed a moan and heard Adam curse above him.

After a moment, the hands in his hair started to gently tug him upward. Taking the hint, he pulled back, sucking, and released the other man’s cock with a quiet ‘pop’, dropping a kiss to the head. Adam pulled at him again and Kaladin crawled up to meet him in a sloppy kiss.

When they broke apart, Adam breathed against his lips. “You’re good at that too.”

Kaladin smiled, running his hands along the other man’s ribs. “Why’d you stop me?”

“Because I really, _really_ want to fuck you right now and I know if I don’t prepare you it’s going to hurt.”

Kaladin’s heart stopped at those words, both incredibly turned on and a little bit frightened.

His expression must have given away his emotions because Adam cupped a hand against his face and said, “I’m not going to hurt you, Kal. I promise.”

Adam hadn’t given him any reason not to trust him—and that in itself was unusual for Kaladin, who really didn’t trust anyone—so he nodded, turning to press a kiss to Adam’s palm.

“Can you lie back for me?” Adam asked, and Kaladin acquiesced, getting comfortable.

The other man’s weight shifted on the bed and Kaladin heard a drawer opening in one of the bedside tables. Adam came back and Kaladin heard the quiet snap of a plastic lid popping open.

“This is going to feel a little weird at first,” Adam warned.

Kaladin nodded, steeling himself. But before feeling the touch he was expecting, he first felt the other man take him in his mouth again, easily coaxing his semi-erection into full hardness.

Just as he began to relax into the feeling of that familiar mouth, Kaladin felt a light touch to his asshole. He jumped a little, startled.

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” He chastised himself inwardly for his reaction even after he’d been warned.

Adam didn’t push the finger in, just circled the ring of muscle there and continued sucking Kaladin’s cock.

After a moment, Kaladin relaxed again and tried to focus on the other man’s mouth instead of the finger, which slowly started pressing into him. It didn’t hurt, he noted as Adam hummed around him, distracting him successfully. It only felt odd. He felt the press of knuckles against his perineum as the finger slid fully into him. It was Adam’s pinky, he realized. Strange how it felt so much bigger. How the _hell_ was Adam’s cock going to fit?

Adam pulled his mouth away with a kiss. “Okay?” he asked.

Kaladin nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, go ahead.”

Permission granted, Adam slid his finger almost all the way out before slowly sliding back in. He repeated the motion, kissing at Kaladin’s thigh, until Kaladin relaxed completely around him. “Ready for the next one?”

Kaladin nodded and the finger disappeared and was replaced by another one—he assumed it was Adam’s ring finger. The other man repeated the slow process, moving incrementally from ring finger to index to middle finger. By the time he got there, Kaladin’s breathing had picked up again. It was starting to feel nice on its own, the slick yet slightly rough slide of those fingers slowly fucking him.

“This is going to be a little tighter,” Adam warned. “Tell me if it’s too much.”

“Okay,” he breathed. This was okay. Adam wouldn’t hurt him.

As warned, the next intrusion was an actual stretch, and his muscles reflexively closed around the digits. Adam kissed his thigh again. “Relax, don’t fight it or it’ll hurt.”

Right. He breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth, trying to calm himself. It still didn’t hurt really, just maybe kind of pinched. After the two fingers were fully sheathed, Adam stilled, just letting Kaladin get used to the feeling. A moment later, he nodded and the other man began to move again, gliding the fingers out and back in gently. As he got used to this size, Adam began to lick at his cock again, his clean hand stroking at Kaladin’s hip. This really wasn’t bad.

The fingers changed again, more pinching, a little rougher until Adam applied more lube, easing the slide of the digits into Kaladin’s body. The combination of the other man’s mouth and what his hands were doing began to stir a heat inside of him. On a hum from Adam, Kaladin’s cock down his throat, the fingers changed again. Adam pumped them in and out a little more quickly now, twisting them inside as he pulled them back out. After a while, the digits opened into a scissoring motion, widening the channel inside him. This definitely hurt more, but the pain was brief, interspersed with pleasure as the oiled fingers slid in and out. Kaladin’s body was burning now, blood a low thrum in his veins.

And then three fingers replaced two, pushing into the tight space with a flash of pain.

“Ah.”

Adam’s hand stilled but he continued sucking at Kaladin for a moment, trying to distract him. He pulled away when Kaladin didn’t relax. “You okay?”

Kaladin grit his teeth. “Yeah, just, wait there.”

Adam obeyed, laying his cheek on Kaladin’s thigh to wait. Something about that was sweet, making Kaladin’s heart flutter, and he stroked a hand through Adam’s hair, ignoring the way the motion of leaning down jostled the other man’s fingers inside him. Adam kissed his thigh in response, seeming content to wait as long as Kaladin needed.

“Okay,” Kaladin said after a moment. “Go.”

Again, Adam complied, barely inching his fingers inside this time. It definitely hurt, a tight fullness that felt close to tearing him open, but he knew it wouldn’t. He’d be okay. This pain wasn’t unbearable. He breathed some more, hands fisting in the sheets beneath him as he finally felt the third knuckle of those fingers reach the ring of his asshole.

“You’re doing really well, Kal,” Adam encouraged.

Kaladin huffed, body tense. He didn’t feel like he was taking this well at all. “Can you kiss me or something? Shit.”

Adam laughed, another of those full, loud laughs that could make Kaladin smile for no reason. “Say please.”

“Fuck you.”

Adam laughed again as he met Kaladin’s mouth with his own and Kaladin pretended he wasn’t going to miss this. He clutched the other man’s shoulders, nipping at his lower lip lightly, the way he had discovered Adam liked. Not too hard, just enough that Kaladin was sure his mouth would be red and kiss swollen if he could just see it.

Adam groaned into his mouth and Kaladin decided he was ready. He moved his hips a little to let the other man know and soon felt the now-familiar pain of fingers pressing in. How much longer would this take? Adam’s clean hand moved from Kaladin’s hip to his cock, tugging expertly and thoroughly distracting him. Once again, the pain began to turn into pleasure. He barely noticed when three fingers became four. They pressed in deeply, curling as Adam searched for something inside. Then suddenly, he found what he was looking for. White light burst behind Kaladin’s eyes as he broke the kiss with a cry, blunt nails digging into Adam’s back.

“What the hell was that?”

“That,” Adam said, dropping a kiss to Kaladin’s parted lips, “would be your prostate.”

“Do it again.”

Adam, beautiful Adam, once again did as he was told, fingers stroking over that spot and Kaladin gasped as pleasure shot up his spine.

“Again,” he demanded. And then, “ _Fuck_.” Stars scattered to life in his vision and he realized he was bucking his hips, moving against the hand inside him.

Then, suddenly, Adam’s hand pulled away leaving him feeling empty. Kaladin frowned into the kiss that was pressed to his lips.

“Sorry,” Adam murmured, against his mouth, tickling. “I’m not gonna let you have all the fun.”

Kaladin heard the cap of the lube opening again, then snapping shut, and a moment later felt the press of Adam’s slickened cock against him. He was only mildly annoyed that after all that preparation this still hurt. But Adam seemed to know it would, and moved slowly, dropping kisses onto Kaladin’s forehead as he did.

“Tell me if it hurts.” His voice was rough, breath hot against Kaladin’s hair. “I mean it.”

Kaladin nodded, biting his lip. He was being split open from the inside, stretching around the blunt head of the other man’s cock. It hurt wonderfully. Soon, Adam began to thrust shallowly, the friction adding the faintest amount of pleasure.

“You feel so good, Kal,” Adam panted earnestly, pressing sloppy kisses to Kaladin’s throat. “So good.”

Kaladin gasped raggedly, heart clenching in his chest. This had been such a bad idea. He never should have picked Adam. He was too real, too compassionate. It would have been better to have picked someone who fucked him fast and heartlessly. Because this—this was going to leave him far more broken in the end.

But it was too late now.

Finally, Adam stopped moving, full to the hilt. He pulled Kaladin into a kiss, languid but scorching. Kaladin let his hands roam over the other man’s broad back, trying to memorize the feel of those muscles beneath his fingers. Maybe in another life, he could have had this.

More to distract himself than because he was ready, he detached his lips from the other man’s and breathed, “Move.”

Adam complied, pulling out slowly before pressing back in. Kaladin lifted his hips to meet the other man’s, relishing in the burning friction, the feeling of being full. After a few thrusts the burn dissipated, fading to pleasure, and they found a rhythm. Kaladin wrapped his arms around Adam’s shoulders and marveled at the way the two of them easily moved together, perfectly in sync. Almost as if they’d practiced this hundreds of times. The other man turned his head to press kisses wherever he could reach; Kaladin’s cheek, his ear, his shoulder. They gradually picked up their pace, Kaladin lifting his legs to circle Adam’s waist.

The change in angle caused Adam to brush against that place inside him and he shouted. Adam seemed to realize what had happened and shifted, purposely driving directly into his prostate, causing Kaladin to clench around the cock buried in his ass.

“Ah!”

Adam growled in his ear. “Fuck, Kal.” He pulled back and slammed back in with alarming accuracy.

“Yes!” Kaladin buried his face in Adam’s shoulder, holding on for dear life.

He somehow managed to keep matching the other man’s thrusts, crying out with every thrust inward. He could hear himself getting louder but he was beyond caring, he just wanted to feel this.

“Come on,” Adam panted, one hand moving to Kaladin’s hips and the other pulling at his cock between their bodies.

Adam somehow moved faster, slamming into Kaladin harder. The slap of their hips punctuated every burst of pleasure and Kaladin felt himself losing his mind, breaking the rhythm as he rutted against the other man wantonly.

And then suddenly he came between their stomachs, ejaculate leaving him violently as he shouted himself hoarse. Adam continued his thrusts, still hitting Kaladin’s prostate mercilessly and sending him floating above his own body in a state of bliss, reality unwinding around him.

Adam groaned, voice rough and low in Kaladin’s ear. “God, you’re perfect.”

Kaladin moaned into the other man’s shoulder, a different pain bursting in his chest—an ache that he couldn’t explain.

“Kal,” Adam breathed against his neck, panting, and then came with a muffled grunt, face buried in Kaladin’s hair. He felt the heat of Adam’s seed spilling inside him, heard squelching as Adam thrust a few more times and then stilled.

They breathed raggedly together for a few moments, sweaty chests rising and falling in tandem. Eventually, Adam recovered and moved, slipping out of Kaladin’s body and pressing a wet, lingering kiss to his lips. Kaladin savored the taste of the other man, gripping Adam’s face in his hands. And though they both desperately needed oxygen, he held him there, licking into Adam’s mouth and threading his hands into his hair.

Adam finally broke the kiss, gasping, and leaned his forehead against Kaladin’s. They lay there a long moment, just breathing each other’s air, Adam’s thumbs stroking lightly across Kaladin’s cheeks.

“You were amazing,” Adam murmured finally, brushing Kaladin’s sweaty bangs away from his forehead. “I think you’re a natural.”

Kaladin huffed out a laugh and moved to sit up. He ran a hand down his torso and grimaced. He was covered in cum.

“You wanna get cleaned up?” Adam offered, and Kaladin nodded. “Um, you think the blindfold will be uncomfortable?”

Kaladin shrugged. The thing was covered in sweat. Might as well add some clean water in the mix. “It already is.”

“I’m sorry,” the other man said, unexpectedly, and it sounded like he really was.

Kaladin shook his head and shot him a small smile. “No hard feelings.”

There was a pregnant pause before Adam’s hand touched his, fingers sliding slowly to lace with his own. He pulled Kaladin up silently and led him to the bathroom.

“Wait here for a sec.”

Kaladin listened to the sound of the shower door unlatching and water flowing through the pipes to splash on the shower tiles below. After a moment, a wet hand took his own again and Adam guided him carefully into the shower.

For a full minute, both of them just stood there in the warm water, letting it relax their tired muscles. The blindfold got soaked immediately, but Kaladin couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Can you hand me the soap?” he eventually asked.

Instead of handing it over, Adam just ran sudsy hands over his skin.

“Is this okay?” the other man asked in a low voice. “I just thought it might be nice.”

If there was anything Kaladin had learned about himself tonight, it was that he definitely didn’t hate being touched. “Yeah. It is.”

Permission granted, the other man cleaned him off, slowly and thoroughly. Kaladin’s cock made a valiant attempt at responding, but ultimately his body calmed, just a low hum of contented pleasure flowing through him.

After a few minutes, Adam dropped a kiss to his shoulder. “Can I wash your hair, too?”

Kaladin nodded and soon felt hands in his hair, massaging his scalp expertly. The other man was careful to keep the shampoo away from the blindfold above his eyes the whole time. A moment later, he directed Kaladin to tilt his head back in the spray of the shower, sluicing the shampoo from his hair.

When Adam finished, Kaladin pulled him in for a kiss. “Let me return the favor.”

“Well, if you’re going to ask so nicely...”

Kaladin covered Adam’s grin with his own and waited for the other man to hand him the soap. Then he lathered up his hands and washed the other man clean, enjoying the feeling of Adam’s slicked-up muscles. Adam hummed appreciatively just underneath the sound of the splashing water, and Kaladin smiled to himself.

He ended up letting Adam wash his own hair, since Kaladin would probably just get shampoo in the man’s eyes.

When they were done, they toweled off—Kaladin doing his best to dry the blindfold as well—and brushed their teeth. Kaladin leaned against the counter, since he couldn’t see the mirror anyway and Adam ran a hand down his arm to get his attention. Somehow it felt affectionate, just a touch for the sole purpose of touching. Kaladin wished, not for the last time, that he could see Adam’s face. What expression was he wearing?

“You want to dry that off?”

“What?”

“The blindfold.” Adam paused. “I think there’s a hairdryer in here—yeah, there it is.”

“It’s okay. I’d probably have to take it off to dry it well enough or I’d burn my face.”

Adam was silent for a moment, and then said slowly. “I can take it off for you, if you promise not to look at me.”

Kaladin breathed out an incredulous laugh.

“I mean it. You trusted me all night with—well, with everything. I think it’s only right to return the courtesy.” He ran his fingers through Kaladin’s damp hair and murmured, “I trust you not to look.”

Kaladin bit the inside of his cheek. The wet blindfold was really uncomfortable, itchy and chafing. It was going to irritate the sensitive skin of his eyelids soon. He knew himself well enough to admit that he wouldn’t dare try to get a peek of the other man, not if he promised he wouldn’t.

“Okay. I won’t look.”

Adam turned him by the shoulders, presumably to face the wall, and began untying the blindfold. It was probably trickier than normal since the fabric was wet, but eventually he got if off. Kaladin squeezed his eyes shut as the blindfold fell away.

“Okay. Just wait until you hear me close the door, and then you can open your eyes.”

Kaladin nodded, holding the soggy blindfold in his hands and bowing his head. He heard the quiet slap of the other man’s bare feet on the bathroom tile and then the click of the door closing.

As he dried off the blindfold, Kaladin thought about what it meant that the other man would do this. Sure, he’d trusted Adam with sex, but people trusted strangers with sex all the time. It didn’t really mean much. But for Adam to trust him with his identity...it was kind of a big deal, wasn’t it? He could have easily pretended to have his eyes closed and snuck a glimpse. He could have figured out who he was and blackmailed him, with the threat of revealing the lurid details of their night together. Plenty of people would have...

When the blindfold was dry, Kaladin went ahead and dried his hair as well lest it soak the blindfold all over again. He looked at himself in the mirror as he did so and felt his face heat up.

Tell-tale bruises marked his hips and several hickeys were scattered across his shoulders—was that another on his thigh? He lifted shaking fingers to a dark spot on his neck, where Adam had started the first hickey, and pressed it carefully. It didn’t hurt much. Maybe it would disappear before Monday.

When he finished drying his hair, he tried tying the blindfold back on, but he kept catching his hair and fumbling the knot. He wasn’t exactly used to doing this. Frustrated, he walked over to the bathroom door and knocked—aware that it was a little silly to knock from the inside of a room. He closed his eyes and faced the wall, only waiting a few seconds before the door cracked open behind him.

“Need help?” Adam asked, voice muffled behind the door.

“Yeah.”

Kaladin heard the door swing open further and held out the blindfold over his left shoulder. The other man silently slipped it around Kaladin’s eyes and tied it behind his head, only speaking to check that it was comfortable.

“Can you see?” Adam asked, placing a kiss on the back of Kaladin’s neck.

“Nope.”

“Okay.”

“That’s it? No tests?”

“Nah. I believe you,” Adam responded, taking Kaladin’s hand and leading him back to the bed. “I’ve been flicking you off this whole time and you haven’t tried to hit me.”

That startled a laugh out of Kaladin—a real one, the kind he thought he wasn’t capable of anymore. He was so surprised, he forgot to be grumpy when Adam kissed his cheek and said, “I really like your laugh.”

They climbed into bed—apparently, the other man had stripped off the soiled top layer of covers, leaving just the clean sheets and two pillows. Adam settled down first, and Kaladin felt blindly to determine that he was on his back. Hesitantly, Kaladin lay down beside him and fitted himself against the other man’s side. He was welcomed by a warm arm pulling him close, so he rested his head against Adam’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.

“Do you think...” Kaladin began, but trailed off. He shouldn’t be asking this question.

“Hmm?” Adam responded, tracing circles over Kaladin’s back. “Do I think what?”

“Nothing.” He pressed a kiss to the warm skin beneath his cheek.

“Kal?”

“Forget I said anything.”

The other man reached up to run his fingers through Kaladin’s hair for several long minutes. It was really soothing and Kaladin nearly fell asleep. Eventually, Adam murmured, “I’m glad it was you.”

“...Yeah.” Kaladin swallowed thickly, hoping Adam hadn’t noticed the way his voice choked on the word. He tried to just enjoy the heat of the other man, the sound of his heart beneath his ear, the feel of his hands stroking over him absentmindedly. Why did they have to get along so well? Why did it have to feel so easy and comfortable, like they’d known each other for months? Why did the first person he really connected with have to be a total stranger he would never see again? This wasn’t fair. He was such an idiot.

“Hey,” Adam said softly. “Come here.”

Kaladin obeyed, scooting up to lay his head on the pillow beside the other man. Adam turned onto his side to face him, wrapping his arms around him and pulling their bodies close. Their faces were just inches away from each other, and Adam leaned into brush his nose against Kaladin’s, the touch playful but intimate. He pressed a chaste kiss to Kaladin’s lips.

“I’m not special, Kal. You’ll have sex with other men. You’ll have people who love you, who treat you like you should be treated. You’re going to forget all about me.”

No, Kaladin wouldn’t. He knew that with as much certainty as he knew his own name. He wouldn’t forget anything about tonight. He pushed closer, burying his face against Adam’s warm shoulder and breathing in the scent of his clean skin.

“Well, don’t forget _me_ ,” Kaladin murmured sleepily. He was exhausted—physically and emotionally—and honestly, he didn’t think he was in control of his mouth right now. Because what he’d just said was kind of pathetic.

Adam stroked his back, entwining his legs with Kaladin’s beneath the sheets. “Go to sleep, Kal.”

Soon enough, he did—dreaming of disembodied hands, a warm voice, a kiss pressed to his forehead.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Kaladin awoke to bright light and blinked groggily, sitting up. It was only once the fog of sleep faded that he realized the blindfold was gone.

And so was Adam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm not used to writing sex scenes. Please tell me how I did? Did I drag it out too long? (The answer is yes, woman, holy hell, yes.)
> 
> Stay tuned for part two!


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